The Most Hilarious Comment I’ve Got to Date

I wasn’t sure if I should do this or not but then I figured this person probably does not deserve my politeness so whatever. If I want to laugh at anonymous paper police on my blog, I can and I will, ha ha.

So recently, I finished re-reading Harry Potters. While I was re-reading them, I was writing these short chapter codas as writing exercises. They were basically missing scenes, headcanons, pointing out what’s wrong with Harry Potters and whatever else that amused me.

One of these headcanons was a pre-canon friendship between Neville and Draco, which started from this bit in canon:

As Harry stepped down, a drawling, delighted voice sounded in his ear.

‘You fainted, Potter? Is Longbottom telling the truth? You actually fainted?’

Malfoy elbowed past Hermione to block Harry’s way up the stone steps to the castle, his face gleeful and his pale eyes glinting maliciously.

And the fact that Neville was basically the only character Draco didn’t bother being polite to in Book One, which made me wonder if they knew each other before Hogwarts.

So yours truly was writing chapter codas which featured this tumultuous friendship between them that started before Hogwarts and which they tentatively rekindled throughout the years. In the last coda, Lost and Found, I used this friendship as a symbol of the wizarding world’s healing and true coming together with Neville and Draco declaring each other as friends and Neville shaking the Malfoys’ hands. I also like to think I did this a lot better than Rowling with whatever nonsense she was writing in the epilogue. Or the chapter before that, for that matter.

This evidently triggered a very brave anonymous internet paper police and she (or he) decided it was a brilliant idea to bother me with it instead of going on her merry way to read something that’s more to her tastes.

Here’s the brilliant insight this person decided to inflict me with:

Neville is literally associating with Nazis at least one of which who worked with another Nazi who tortured his parents into insanity. This is Neville bashing and I don’t think I’ve encountered it before.

Honestly, I’ve had a headache since morning and this isn’t exactly what I meant when I said I’d like more comments on my scribblings, ha ha.

I especially like that “literally”. Neville is literally a fictional character. Neville is not literally associating with anyone and least of all nazis. I can’t believe I even need to type that out.

The Malfoys and least of all Draco weren’t responsible for the Longbottom torture. That was Bellatrix, Bartemius Jr, and the Lestranges (a year after Tommy killed himself on Harry and Lucius had already jumped ship). The Malfoys did very little actual death eater activity before or during Book Seven. Even Rowling — with all of her harebrained ideas, pettiness and mean-spiritedness — didn’t see them as irredeemable, seeing as the Malfoys were practically the only “death eaters” who made it out alive in Book Seven and Draco went on to have a child of his own who epitextually became friends with the Potter Spawn 3.0. Or 4.0 if I count James 2.0.

So imagine reading a short fic where Neville is so kind that he realises that Draco — who was his friend before Hogwarts — wasn’t responsible for what happened to his parents and that the Malfoys aren’t responsible for what happened to his parents; a fic where Neville is a symbol of the wizarding world’s healing, unification and hope, and thinking that this is Neville bashing.

To be totally honest, the fans of these books still aren’t impressing me with their intelligence, ha ha.¹

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¹ Except for my nephew. He knows the books are extremely flawed (at a technical level) and he still likes them. He finds my rants about them really funny, ha ha.