Book Two: Earth

I didn’t have the time or the energy to do the next chapter of Harry Potter so instead I finished season two of Avatar. Here’s again a low-effort post of my thoughts:

“Well then, maybe you should worry less about the tides who have already made up their mind about killing you, and worry more about me, who’s still mulling it over.” — Not another one. Can these firebenders stop being so stereotypical any time soon?

Well, at least the Fire Nation isn’t sexist. *massive eye roll*

“… for the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary.” — Ha ha, already, Katara?

Come to think of it, why didn’t this show go with wood, metal, earth, fire and water for the elements?

So even as a firebending prodigy and with their culture of “honour” and “warriorism”, Azula still chooses female duplicity and manipulation as her weapons of choice? Okay then~.

Mortal danger and losing what he loves. Show ain’t subtle.

Aww, don’t take it so hard, Aang. It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of adults trying to use twelve-year-olds as tools for their wars.

Don’t feel so bad about it, Zuko. That hairstyle looked kind of ridiculous anyway. And while I do get that Zuko basically has to hit rock bottom before he can crawl his way back up, it… also kind of feels as if his redemption is going to be something narratively imposed on him instead of something he, like, naturally chose from his own choices. But it’s hilarious that as soon as they started on his redemption arc for real, they also started prettifying his looks.

The Cave of Two Lovers, huh. I’m sensing another Aang/Katara episode. Well, I mean. The whole show so far has been the Aang/Katara show but, you know.

AANG! YOU CUTE INNOCENT LITTLE THING, YOU.

HEE. AANG’S LITTLE FLOWER CROWN. THIS KID. Also, if Aang had hair, I’m convinced he’d be getting it braided just like Katara. SINGLE BRAIN CELL.

I am sensing another potential ship with Zuko and Song.

You know, there’s something really funny about the fact that apparently during ALL OF THOSE YEARS OF EXILE, Zuko didn’t once come face to face with the everyday consequences of what the Fire Nation is doing to the common people of other nations. But as soon as he’s, like, a fugitive he’s suddenly seeing it everywhere. Meeting the last survivor of a genocide his people committed? Eh, who cares. That was, like, years ago. ANCIENT HISTORY, OKAY. Seeing the effects of the war on the Southern Water Tribe? Eeeeh, who cares. He’s much too busy terrorising them. The island of Kyoshi? WHO CARES, OKAY. HE HAS AN AVATAR TO CATCH. Meeting an Earth Kingdom girl who has a burn scar just like him? Now that’s significant.

I was recently told that Zuko’s redemption arc is one of the most believable redemption arcs written. But honestly, so far I’m not impressed.

Ha ha, Appa really doesn’t like being underground. ❤

“Well, what if we … kissed?” — ALREADY, KATARA? She’s so forward, ha ha.

“I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you! No, no, I mean … if there was a choice between kissing you and dying … What? I’m saying is I would rather kiss you than die – that’s a compliment.” — Ha ha, Aang really is putting his foot in his mouth. Poor kid.

Aaaand then Prince Hothead stole their bird steed. *sighs*

“Love is brightest in the dark.” — So did Aang and Katara get to kiss or did the bioluminescent stones interrupt them? Aww, whatever. They still got to hug. Hee, and she’s blushing at the end. They’re so cute and innocent.

“This isn’t about finding a teacher. This is about finding my friend.” — Oh, Aang. He’s too precious. *pets his bald head* Also, I find it funny that he actually has to articulate that when it really should’ve been obvious. Like, so far Bumi is the only one left of his old life.

“Please tell me you’re here to kill me.” — Ha ha, Mai is a whole MOOD. I like her. In fact, I’d say she’s the first character from the Fire Nation that I like. And considering her family, I have a feeling that she’s the most teenager of the teenagers in this show.

“It’ll be interesting seeing Zuko again, won’t it, Mai?” — Oh? Zuko and Mai are a thing? I sure hope she makes that kid more tolerable.

There’s just… something about Prince Hothead and Iroh begging for money from the Earth Kingdom’s citizens. Like, so far? This storyline is just not impressing me. And then some idiot Earth Kingdom thug bullies and humiliates Iroh because, of course. *siiiighs* I just love these manipulative “let’s make you feel bad for a character” writing tactics.

Besides, “This is humiliating! We’re royalty! These people should be giving us whatever we want.” — Actually, Prince Hothead, you’re royalty in the Fire Nation. Not the Earth Kingdom. The people of the Earth Kingdom don’t owe you anything.

As a totally terrible aside, I’m really happy that this show didn’t keep the tradition of monks sexually abusing the acolytes. Though, I do wonder about Aang’s parents. Like… he wasn’t produced asexually or something, right? How did you end up as a monk, Aang? Did your parents sell you?

Aww, Aang helped Katara up. Such a small gentleman. ❤

Even for a show that’s been inspired by “Asia”, there sure is a lot of americanism going on.

It’s always so much fun when Katara goes feral on Aang’s behalf, ha ha.

Katara: My scrolls!

Aang: My staff!

You really gotta love that single brain cell that they share, ha ha.

You know, Sokka and Katara are really cute too but they don’t get as much focus as Aang and Katara.

So….. now Prince Hothead resorts to stealing from the people of the Earth Kingdom? *siiiiiiiighs*

Katara, The Original Aang Defence Squad.

It’s utterly ridiculous to blame a twelve-year-old for something he supposedly did in his past life. Just saying.

“This girl you’re talking about? She’ll come around. You just gotta hang in there. You’re a catch. Hey! You’re smart, handsome, funny. Not to mention you’re the Avatar.” — Aww. ❤

“Gee, I’d love to help, but I’m supposed to be boiled in oil.” — THIS LITTLE GREMLIN. ❤

“The Boulder feels conflicted about fighting a young blind girl.” — Honestly, I could really do without these speeches.

“Don’t boo at him!” — KATARA, THE ORIGINAL AANG DEFENCE SQUAD. Ha ha. ❤

“My daughter is blind. She is blind and tiny and helpless and fragile. She cannot help you!” — I could reaaaally do without these speeches.

Toph sounds like ‘tough’. Fitting, I guess. Her dad is seriously a loser, though.

Oh wow, Prince Hothead doesn’t stoop to stealing from a woman who’s pregnant. *massive eye roll*

Can’t decide if the writing in Prince Hothead’s storyline is nuanced or if it’s just manipulative. Well, at least Prince Hothead is finally working so that’s something.

“What is wrong with that child?” — I don’t know, her family most likely?

“No. I loved watching you. That’s who you are, Zuko. Someone who keeps fighting even though it’s hard.” — Oh my god, I don’t care. Like, this is the problem when you write about some overprivileged, royal kid: you need to be really, really careful how you do it. Because, as it is, why should I care that Mr Prince doesn’t measure up to his prodigy sister? Especially since I haven’t actually seen Mr Prince try, try, try and try some more all the while he fails? Like, why should I care about this kid’s backstory more than the genocide of an entire people? Aside from, “aww, look at him. Don’t you feel bad? You should feel bad. Do you feel bad now? How about now? FEEL BAD ALREADY.”

So for now, I’m leaning more towards manipulative.

I mean, I’ve mentioned this before in other posts but I thought the mother in Pinocchio (2014) was reprehensible. She was a reporter who skewed the news for the oligarchy and thus caused the death and suffering of countless people, including the utter destruction of the main character’s family. The show never gave her a traumatic backstory as an excuse or made you feel bad for her even when she was suffering the consequences of her actions. However, the show still presented her as a human being, and what ultimately redeemed her was her daughter’s love for her and thus her love for her daughter.

So yeah, Zuko’s storyline just isn’t impressing me.

Aang: What did I just do? I can’t believe I yelled at my earthbending teacher. Now she’s gone.

Katara: I know. We’re all just trying to get used to each other. And I was so mean to her.

Sokka: Yeah, you two were pretty much jerks.

Ha ha, I can’t believe they’re sharing a single brain cell even with their mistakes and flaws.

Why does Azula ride lizards instead of rhinos? And why do they ride animals at all when they have tanks?

You know, a few days ago I listened to this speech by a former boxer. She actually punched her opponent in the forehead during a match and asked the audience which is harder, the wrist or the forehead? And the answer was that she broke her wrist.

Oh, Zuko. That temper of yours. Well, to be fair, his lashing out is understandable since after his mother left? died? Iroh is basically the only family who actually loves that kid. But still, it’s kind of tiresome that he keeps making life harder on himself for practically no reason.

I wonder how earthbending is going to go for Aang since it’s like, the exact opposite of him and airbending? Ah, okay. That answers that, ha ha.

“No, she’s crazy, and she needs to go down.” — Ha ha! To be fair, Iroh, your entire family is crazy. That’s why Azula is crazy too.

“Why can’t I do it? Instead of lightning it keeps exploding in my face … like everything always does.” — I could really have done without that last line.

“What turmoil?” Prince Hothead yells. I don’t know, have you looked in a mirror lately?

“Why are you telling me these things?” — Because you’re Aang’s foil?

“All this four elements talk is sounding like Avatar stuff.” — Noooo. Who would’ve thought!

And speaking of the elements, why don’t they have the element of nothingness?

“You see the technique I’m about to teach you is one I learned by studying the waterbenders.” — So it’s something like flowing fire?

“Hmmm … I bet I can airbend you out of here.” — Oh Aang, you’re supposed to earthbend Sokka out of there.

“You’ve always thrown everything you could at me! Well, I can take it, and now I can give it back! Come on, strike me! You’ve never held back before!” — Prince Hothead is making me feel all sorts of second-hand embarrassment. On the other hand, he’s also reminding me of Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z Abridged.

As an aside, I’m surprised they aren’t making Zuko help and nurse lepers but… well, for all that this show is “Asian-inspired”, it’s not actually written by Asians.

Sand people, always causing problems.

Honestly, not sure I liked this episode (The Library). Obviously, Aang, Sokka and Katara weren’t the only ones who’d abused the library but they were still the last straw who made Wan Shi Tong take it back to the spirit world. And that’s a little bit different from getting in trouble because of their own dumb behaviour. I mean, even the Great Library of Alexandria was burned several times before Theophilus and his christian followers destroyed the last remnants of it when they destroyed the Temple of Serapis.

Katara has it tough. Toph is Toph, Sokka is high as a kite, and Aang is in the depths of depression about losing Appa.

You know, for all that they’re kind of avoiding — how to put this — traditional masculine and feminine roles, particularly with Aang and Katara¹, it’s still Katara who is the “heart” of the group. Unlike in Claymore in which Raki, the boy, was Clare’s heart.

¹ What I mean is, for all that Katara is caring and nurturing and the “heart” of the group, she’s also basically Aang’s protector, which is a role usually given to the male love interests. And Aang’s just… so Aang. So far, Katara shines brightest when she’s with Aang.

Ha ha, Aang is turning into Anakin.

Aww, Aang and Katara are too precious. That trope “I’ll never leave your side” when the other character goes on a rampage is so fun. Claymore did this too (never mind Naruto or the myriad of other stories, even Supernatural!) — except Raki was in the role of the “girl”. I should really re-read Claymore.

Aww, poor Cabbage Man.

“Come on, you need a hug.” — And Aang didn’t hug her. Poor Katara, ha ha.

You know, Sokka, imposing your issues with a girl (Yue) on another girl (Suki) isn’t actually cool.

“Maybe it’s because I’m not a man … I’m a girl!” — This show is going to kill me with this.

Even Toph has a thing for Sokka? That kid is surprisingly popular with the girls.

You know, babies don’t actually come out in the next five minutes after the water breaks. Or contractions start? I’m not exactly sure which exactly happened?

“I know what I want to name our baby now. Hope.” — Just kill me already.

“I thought I was trying to be strong. But really I was just running away from my feelings. Seeing this family together, so full of happiness and love, it’s reminded me how I feel about Appa … and how I feel about you.” — Aang and Katara are still precious, though. And that small way she fixed his collar. Total wife behaviour, ha ha. ❤

So the Fire Nation has a giant drill and tanks, and they still ride around on rhinos and lizards? Okay then.

I think Joo Dee is more high on something than Sokka was on cactus juice.

Why are craftsmen and artisans walled in with the refugees? Weren’t merchants the lowest class? You know, even though they often had the money to buy themselves out of it.

“I just want our place to look nice, in case someone brings home a lady friend!” — Iroh, have you seen your nephew? That kid does not have a way with the ladies.

Oh my god, why did they have to bring Jet back? Wasn’t one episode of him enough?

You know, it’s actually really rare for one nation to start a world war without allies. So I feel that the Fire Nation would’ve actually allied itself with the Earth Kingdom instead of trying to genocide or conquer it next. Besides, what were the other countries doing while the air nomads were being genocided? Also, if they genocided the air nomads because the next avatar was scheduled to be born among them, you can’t tell me that someone else wouldn’t have already tried that during the previous cycles? Like, all of these nations should already be dead.

Or better yet why do they still have nationhoods? I mean, the avatar is the master of all the elements. The avatar should be the supreme ruler of this world instead of some petty kings or lords?

“Wow, you look beautiful.” — Aang is such a sweetheart. Always ready with a compliment for the girl he likes.

Okay? Is there a point that the Earth Kingdom is full of brainwashing creeps? You know, aside from showing that the genocidal nation isn’t the only bad nation here? Well, I guess the kids need more adversaries than just the firebenders, otherwise they’d run out of plot pretty fast?

SOKKA HAS MOUSTACHE HAIR.

You know, for all that this show ties bending to martial arts and sacred traditions, blah blah blah, it’s also… really not.

For all that Zuko is like catnip for fangirls, he really does not have a way with the ladies.

Aww, poor Appa. Oh no, this episode (Appa’s Lost Days) makes me feel all sorts of empathy pain.

I JUST WANT APPA AND AANG TO REUNITE. Is that too much to ask for?

APPA! ❤ I hope they never get lost from each other again.

You know, if the Earth King is a puppet for Long Feng and Dai Li, what do these kids think that he can do?

Blue oni and red oni, his sister and his uncle. I almost care. As an aside~ dragons are strongly associated with water in East Asia.

I mean, is it really much of a war if you can hide it from an entire city? And whatever happened to the Fire Nation troops? Did they just let them walk off?

“Split up? We just found Appa and got the family back together! Now you want us to separate?” — FAMILY BACK TOGETHER. Oh Aang, he’s too precious for words.

Aww, even though Sokka interrupted Aang’s confession, he still got a hug and a kiss on the cheek. ❤ And then they all got a group hug, they’re the cutest group of friends, ha ha.

Oh no, Azula’s group disguised themselves as the Kyoshi girls.

Iroh and Prince Catnip’s apartment looks really nice.

You know, it’s no wonder that Long Feng took control of the Earth Kingdom considering the king seems like a useless fool.

So is that why this show didn’t go with the element of metal? Because it would’ve made things too easy? Although I’m sure someone is going to do a metalbending equivalent considering this is already twice they’ve brought that up.

Oh my god, the fear of losing Katara is a part of Aang’s instinct for survival. He’s twelve and he really loves that girl already.

Um… *squints at Prince Catnip* Since when did fevers give personality transplants?

Aang’s grief is his entire people.

“The Air Nomads’ love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love.” — AND HE SEES KATARA. THIS KID. I feel like joining Katara’s Aang Defence Squad.

“Even metal is just a part of earth that has been purified and refined.” — As I said.

“Meditate on what attaches you to this world.” — HA HA, I KNEW AANG WOULD SEE KATARA FIRST. ‘I have relinquished all that ties me to the world, but the one thing that still haunts me is the beauty of that girl.’

“What? Why would I let go of Katara? I … I love her! Why would I choose cosmic energy over Katara? How could it be a bad thing that I feel an attachment to her?” — Aww. ❤

“I’m going to be stuck in here forever with you, aren’t I?” — Aww, don’t worry, Whoever Your Name Was. You’ll probably die in a week or two. ❤ Maybe faster if the metal box is airtight.

You know… I just don’t find it particularly interesting or impressive that Azula’s weapons of choice are duplicity and manipulation. I mean… she’s basically the only firebender who does that. And can you puzzle out why that is? It’s because she’s a girl. *sotto voce*

Come to think of it, for all that blah blah blah about the illusion of separation, none of these nations really feel connected to each other? Even the ones you’d think would be connected?

Ha ha, Toph is clinging to Sokka. Does she really have a lowkey crush on him?

“You’re so dramatic.” — I agree, Azula. I even find it a little bit tiresome.

The Crystal Cave now?

“‘Good inside him’ isn’t enough! Why don’t you come back when it’s outside him too, okay?” — I love Sokka, ha ha.

Katara: The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

Zuko: I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.

Oh my god, I don’t care.

“Aang, you go with Iroh to look for Katara and the angry jerk . . .” — Ha ha, I call him either Prince Hothead or Prince Catnip.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you before.” — Says the girl whose entire village Prince Catnip terrorised. I’m getting some utterly terrible Buffy the Vampire Slayer flashbacks.

“It doesn’t matter.” — Says the Prince Catnip to the girl whose entire village he terrorised. Just kill me already.

“I need you, Zuko. I’ve plotted every move of this day, this glorious day in Fire Nation history, and the only way we win is together. At the end of this day, you will have your honor back. You will have Father’s love. You will have everything you want.” — Huh. I kiiiind of feel like Azula and Zuko would make for an interesting toxic ship too. Did not expect to get that from a kids’ show.

Oh my god, “the two faces of Zuko. Which side will he choose!” This show is honestly starting to tire me.

“Just take the bear.” — Ha ha, Mai is seriously the only character from the Fire Nation that I like. I mean, yeah, Iroh is pretty funny too but he’s just kind of there.

I’m dying, Katara is doing the bridal carry with Aang.

I KNEW KATARA WOULD END UP USING THE WATER FROM THE SPIRIT OASIS ON AANG.

Aww, Aang coming back to life was a direct callback to when Katara woke him up from the iceberg. ❤

Oh rats, now I kind of want to read Azula/Zuko fics. And considering that Aang/Zuko fics practically don’t exist despite the obviousness of that ship, I suspect this fandom reaaaally isn’t doing massively toxic sibling ships either, ha ha.

Oh well.

So that was the end of season two and again it ended with Katara and Aang hug. Now I’ll talk about something for a bit: mainly, I’m not impressed and neither do I care for the way Zuko’s storyline has been written so far.

The thing about Zuko is that aside from his connection to the Fire Nation and his foilness to Aang and his catnipness to fangirls, his storyline feels disconnected from the main plot to the point that it’s like, let’s move on already. It feels as if his character exists solely to put the Fire Nation on a new track at the end because this is a kids’ show and it’s not like they can end it with the Fire Nation carpet bombed, mass-raped, tortured and starved to death in concentration camps².

² By the way, that is a reference. But I won’t be surprised if it flies over the heads of most people.

So you get this, like, dissonance where the show doesn’t show you Zuko doing something “really bad” — like attacking his uncle a la Azula, for example³ — while at the same time pretending that there’s something to “redeem”.

In Season One, his antagonism was mostly depicted as antagonistic buffoonery despite the very real consequences his (and his nation’s) actions had on the southern water tribe and the isle of Kyoshi. Instead of those moments having narrative and emotional consequences on Zuko, the narrative and emotional consequences were on Aang as if he was even remotely at fault. This cheapens and removes Zuko’s agency and thus the weight of his “redemption arc”.

They could’ve made Zuko face and bear the consequences of his own (and his nation’s) actions but instead, they started right on that “uwu, abused baby” backstory. The show makes him and Iroh fugitives, has them beg for money from people their nation is waging a war against, use an Earth Kingdom thug to humiliate Iroh, has Zuko rejected by the people he helped. Also, see! He doesn’t steal from pregnant women and he releases Appa (an animal).

This feels more manipulative than nuanced, and I do not respond well to manipulative writing tactics.

It doesn’t help that the show doesn’t really dig into or show you the consequences of the Fire Nation’s actions either, which I suspect is partly because of Zuko’s incoming “redemption arc”. For all that the Fire Nation is supposedly the main antagonist in this series(?), they sure were conspicuously absent from Season Two. And instead, we focused on the Earth Kingdom whose secret police were brainwashing their own citizens because… I honestly don’t even know? To show that the genocidal war machine isn’t the only bad regime in this world?

³ Also, if recent comments to me are anything to go by, they’re probably going to “redeem” Azula as well. If that girl is going to get a “redemption arc”, then what does that make Zuko’s “redemption arc”?

So for now I feel that Azula and Zuko should’ve been the same character and Zuko should’ve gained his redemption arc from within the Fire Nation instead of from outside of it.

Like, honestly? If this is someone’s idea of a good redemption arc, it just makes me think that they’ve really not consumed a whole lot of media.

But hey, maybe the show will change my mind in the next two seasons. If I manage to go through them, that is. Because I’m honestly starting to get kind of tired of this show already.

Book One: Water

I decided to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender since I’ve seen people talk about it so much and I wanted to know how much of that is, well, totally wrong. So far it’s… surprisingly good for something made in the contemporary west, never mind America? (Sorry americans, it’s not you, it’s your media.) Here are some of my random thoughts and observations while watching:

Aang is a precious small ray of sunshine.

Sokka is second best boy.

My first impression of Katara isn’t that great but fortunately she quickly becomes more than just a Girl Boss™ mouthpiece.

Aang, Sokka and Katara have the friendship that Harry, Ron and Hermione wish they had.

Aang and Katara are stupidly cute together. “Appa and I can personally fly you to the North Pole. Katara, we’re going to find you a master!” “You still are a kid!” “We can learn it together!” “Well, you had to figure it all on your own. I’m lucky enough to have a great teacher.”

Or how Katara is immediately taken with Appa and Aang’s all smitten because hey, a pretty and kind girl adores his best friend! Like, they seem to have that similar, sharing a brain cell soulmatism going on.

What I also like about their relationship is that even though Aang is, you know, the avatar and a prodigy, he still learns from this relatively normal human girl. And when Katara starts doubting or putting herself down because of how fast Aang learns something that took her months, he’s immediately all, “But you’re ✧˖°.GREAT.°˖✧ actually.” Such a sweetheart. *pets his bald head*

It’s basically that, “behind every great man is a great woman“.

This is honestly a little petty but the way Zuko’s voice actor says ‘s’ is kind of distracting. *hides*

“Well, you’re just a teenager.” — Ha ha, Aang’s great.

“Get in, we’re going to save your boyfriend.” — Already in the second episode, huh?

“So, I guess you’ve never fought an airbender before. I bet I could take you both with my hands tied behind my back.” — Hee, this small baby gremlin. And you can tell he’s so sincere about his mischief too.

So far Aang’s avatar state(?) seems to activate when he’s, like, in mortal danger or in great emotional turmoil? I mean, I honestly can’t even imagine what I would feel about waking up a hundred years later and finding my entire people slaughtered. Everything I knew, gone.

Iroh is like the funniest uncle ever. The man is trying to teach his nephew some patience and chill.

Ha ha, Aang is such a twelve-year-old boy with his crush.

“Relax, Sokka. Where we’re going, you won’t need any pants.” — THIS KID, ha ha.

You know, I could honestly do without this whole using Katara and Sokka as Girl Boss™ mouthpieces and instead just — doing it? If that makes sense? And Sokka still bests a girl who’s been training her whole life after, like, two tries? Well, okay, maybe three.

Isn’t unagi the Japanese word for eel? Why yes, it is. Aaaand that’s one big eel.

I really like how they animated Aang’s movements. Like, they’re so distinctive and you can really tell that he’s an airbender with a case of tricksterism.

Aang: You just don’t want to come because you’re jealous.

Katara: Jealous? Of what?

Aang: Jealous that we’re having so much fun without you.

Katara: That’s ridiculous.

Aang: It is a little ridiculous, but I understand.

Hee, they’re so stupid and cute.

“Hey, Sokka! Nice dress!” — This little gremlin. ❤ And I just bet Aang was totally sincere about it too.

Aang: Katara, remember how Unagi almost got me yesterday?

Katara: Yeah.

Aang: Well, I’m gonna go ride it now. It’s gonna be real dangerous.

Katara: Good for you.

Aang: You’re not going to stop me?

Katara: Nope. Have fun.

Aang: I will.

Katara: Great.

Aang: I know it’s great.

Katara: I’m glad you know.

Aang: I’m glad you’re glad.

They’re so ridiculous, ha ha.

Aang: Now let’s get to skippin’, young whipper-snappers. The big city awaits!

Aang: My business is my business, young man, and none of yours! I’ve got half a mind to bend you over my knee and paddle your backside!

Guard: You’re a strong young boy! Show some respect for the elderly and carry your grandfather’s bag!

Aang: Good idea!

Ha ha, so far Aang is honestly the funniest character on this show. There’s other humour of course but most of it seems to be slapstick comedy in the vein of “let’s make fun of this character”, particularly Sokka and Zuko to an extent.

“Your majesty, these juveniles were arrested for vandalism, traveling under false pretenses, and malicious destruction of cabbages.” — Ha ha, malicious destruction of cabbages.

Aww, Aang got to meet his old friend.

Katara: An earthbender!

Aang: Let’s go meet him!

Aang and Katara seriously share the same brain cell, ha ha.

You know, Aang might be the world’s avatar but Katara is Aang’s avatar.

Also, Aang really embodies this… “embrace the world and the world will embrace you” spirit. I do kind of wish that they’d focused more on how he would feel about being the last of his people and waking up a hundred years later to find the world and people he knew basically gone — which is probably why meeting Bumi was so important to him. But I also get why they didn’t because this is so obviously a silly adventure show for kids.

As an aside, Aang is the protagonist that Harry wishes he was.

“That’s it. He needs help.” — Sokka, you brave, loyal young man, you. ❤

Ha ha, a comet again? What was up with this prejudice towards celestial bodies?

It’s so funny how Zuko is basically the first one to skedaddle it out of the Fire Temple when it starts sinking.

So, I do have a few questions. Like… there are basically three disruptions to the avatar cycle by now: one) Aang getting trapped in the iceberg for a hundred years, two) the airbenders getting genocided, and three) Roku destroying his own temple because it’d gotten so corrupt. Are these things going to have some kind of consequences or…?

Aww, Sokka, Katara and Aang are so precious. ❤

The Fire Nation is so ridiculous. There’s a difference between being the antagonist of something and then there’s just being cartoonishly evil. Well, aside from Zuko and Iroh, I guess. Though, Zuko’s temper tantrums are getting kind of old even though he is a hothead, teenager and, judging from his scar, suffering from trauma of some sort?

But on the other hand, as I keep saying, trauma is an explanation. Not an excuse.

Well, some of his temper tantrums are done for humour so it’s fine, I guess.

Ha ha, Katara, Aang is the avatar! Don’t feel bad that he picks up wanderbending so fast. Oh, and speaking of waterbending, it’s so funny how compatible it’s with airbending. They really designed Katara and Aang as each other’s soulmates.

Aang, you innocent little dumbass. You shouldn’t trust every suspicious stranger you meet.

Judging from Zuko’s personality and like, *waves a hand vaguely at his everything*, I feel that he’s supposed to be more of a foil to Aang than strictly an antagonist? Because he’s honestly kind of useless in the antagonism department? Well… aside from terrorising random villagers?

Ha ha, it’s okay, Katara. You just got mad like a kid.

“I’ll save you from the pirates.” — Zuko, you brought them there. AND THEN HE TIED HER TO A TREE. And creepily blackmailed her with her own necklace. What a little twit.

You know, I actually find it nice that these characters get into trouble because of their own behaviour instead of it all being something narratively imposed on them.

“Oh, what? I’m not good enough to kidnap? Ah!” “You’re really gonna hand over the Avatar for a stupid piece of parchment?” — Ha ha, oh Sokka. He’s honestly great too.

“Shut your mouth, you Water Tribe peasant!” — Peasant isn’t really an insult, Zuko, unless you think they’re inferior.

Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier but I wonder what happened to the other benders? I mean, Katara is the only waterbender of the South tribe? Did the rest of them go to that war?

Sokka, Katara and Aang have the most ridiculously supportive relationship. They’re such a trio of dorks.

It’s funny how hard they tried to make the Little Ninja Boy cool. (Apparently, his name is Jet. Because, of course.)

Oh my god, Katara is such a girl. Ha ha.

But I see we’re doing some kind of Avatar version of Peter Pan’s Lost Boys and Wendy, huh?

“Your boyfriend Jet’s a thug.” — Ha ha, big brother knows his little sister, huh.

It’s funny how Katara made this girly hat for Jet and Aang ends up wearing it.

Katara, please. Your instincts are that of a girl with a crush. Oh my god, Aang and Katara are basically both crushing on Jet. They seriously do share a single brain cell, ha ha ha. ❤

Hell truly hath no fury like a woman on a revenge path, huh.

Aww, Cabbage Man lost his cabbages again.

Soooo… are we in the Avatar version of Grand Canyon now?

Aang: You could call it luck. Or you could call it lying.

Sokka: What?

Aang: I made the whole thing up.

Katara: You did not! That is so wrong.

HA HA! THE ADMIRATION IN YOUR VOICE, KATARA.

“He doesn’t mean that. He’s just all worked up.” — Worked up… or has a perpetual burr up his butt… *averts eyes*

“Lieutenant! You’d better learn some respect or I will teach it to you.” — Oh my god, Zuko. That edge, it’s killing me. Besides, respect is earned. *sotto voce*

Katara is basically One Girl Aang Defence Squad, ha ha.

Oh, the old past-life toy trick.

It’s so cute how these kids apologise almost immediately to each other. You know, unlike in Harry Potters where Rowling actively prevents Harry from apologising to anyone. Even his “best friends”.

So evidently, Zuko’s character arc is going to be about not turning into the spitting image of his father? Well, okay. Let’s see it then. (He and Aang are totally foils of each other, though.)

You know, I just love how Aang is all “There’s no one to teach me how to be an avatar” and it’s like, YES THERE IS. SHE’S RIGHT THERE. IT’S KATARA.

I really wish this show had subs because the way they pronounce some of these words goes right past me.

“Tell me, how does it feel to be the only airbender left? Do you miss your people? Don’t worry, you won’t be killed like they were. See, if you die you will just be reborn and the Fire Nation would have to start searching all over again. So I’ll keep you alive, but just barely.” — Oh my god, dude. You’re an adult. This is what I mean by cartoonish evil.

Ha ha, and then Aang blew him over. You go, Aang. ❤

“We are the sons and daughters of fire, the superior element!” — I just love how unsubtle that is. But on the other hand, they did harvest a comet.

By the way, does the Fire Nation have an actual reason for all this war, conquest and genocide or is it just for the sake of plot?

Yeaaaah, I kind of guessed the masked ninja was Zuko but it’s still funny that he’s utterly determined not to let anyone else capture Aang. It’s also kind of hilarious what beautiful teamwork he has with Aang.

Aww, Aang is so precious. He couldn’t leave Prince Hothead behind.

“You know what the worst part of being born over a hundred years ago is? I miss all the friends I used to hang out with. Before the war started, I used to always visit my friend Kuzon. The two of us, we’d get in and out of so much trouble together. He was one of the best friends I ever had, and he was from the Fire Nation, just like you. If we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends, too?” — Yay, they’re addressing a little bit of that “Aang feeling out of place and time”. And Aang! You precious little thing, you.

And then Prince Hothead threw fire at him. That kid and his edge. They’re killing me.

Oh my god, it’s so funny how the episode ends with both Aang and Prince Hothead sulking in their respective beds and basically thinking about each other. Like, if that’s not ship baiting then what is, ha ha. — What? THERE IS NOT A SINGLE AANG/ZUKO LISTED ON AO3? How is that possible? Is it the age gap? Okay, I had to search for it in the search bar. I was worried there for a second.

“Not tangled. Woven! I made you a necklace, Katara. I thought since you lost your other one …” — Aang, you seriously are the most precious thing who ever came out of american media.

“I feel a great romance for you. The man you are going to marry. I can see that he’s a very powerful bender.” — Ha ha, I wonder if they’re going to seemingly take this back by the end of the episode?

“Yeah, yeah, I knew that already. But did it say anything about a girl?” — THIS KID.

“Since I got you here, uh, there’s something I want to tell you. I like you, but more than normal. Never mind.” — Aww, don’t take it so hard, Aang.

“So, Sokka, you know some stuff about ladies, right?” — Oh no, Aang. Have you seen this kid? Don’t ask him, ha ha.

“Don’t worry. You’re going to meet a great guy who’s going to completely fall for you. I know it.” — Aang really is the biggest sweetheart ever.

It’s so hilarious how this show is totally the Aang & Katara show. I MEAN, they basically have the relationship that fans of that ship wish Harry and Hermione had.

And speaking of, watching this show makes it so obvious how much people in the Harry Potter fandom tropify the Harry Potter characters. I mean, Prince Hothead is just one fanon version of Draco. Like, this guy is seemingly on the evil side, prince, traumatic backstory, abusive dad… He’s like catnip for fangirls. I can just about imagine the droves of them too. *sighs*

“Man, sometimes I forget what a powerful bender that kid is. Nothing, just that Aang is one powerful bender.” — And that was the moment when something pinged in Katara’s mind.

You know, it’s funny how they managed to both hint Katara/Aang and basically keep this plausible deniability of “will they or won’t they”. What I also like is that… even though the romance is really obvious, the main focus is still the platonic love between the trio of dorks (and Appa and Momo!). Because, you know, a silly adventure show for kids.

“Out of my way! Step aside, filth!” — Prince Hothead’s edge is seriously going to kill me before the end of this show.

“Well, if it isn’t my new friends: Angry Boy and Uncle Lazy.” — I am sensing potential here.

“It’s not the girl I’m after, it’s the bald monk she’s traveling with.” — I’m honestly baffled that Aang/Zuko isn’t the most popular ship in this fandom? Like, it’s such an obvious choice? People lose their heads for this exact dynamic in every other fandom, why is this such an exception? Like, this is basically what y’all imagined Draco/Harry as? Is it the age gap? Can’t be, people don’t care about such minor things.

June and Prince Hothead have potential for a hate ship too, though.

Aang is such an awesome little dude.

Oh, Iroh is a low-key pervert. I see.

Aww, Katara kissed Aang on the cheek after he returned her necklace. And right after the big romance episode too. These shows are so unsubtle it’s hilarious.

Oh my god, Appa! ❤ He’s the cutest ten-ton magical creature.

It’s honestly so funny how kids’ stories exaggerate certain things to really instill the lessons in the kids’ minds: like when Aang accidentally burns Katara when he’s messing around with firebending. It’s all screams, speechless crying, immediate apologies, angry yelling, running away and looking shocked to show that, oh no, he really messed up! See, kids! Don’t act like impatient fools and listen to your teachers masters!

And then there are kids’ stories where everything is exaggerated and stupid, but all possible lessons are undermined by the author, the narrative and the other characters. *stares into the abyss of Harry Potter*

Well, would you look at that. Katara actually has burn marks on her hands — and then they’re immediately healed when she discovers she can heal. So… what’s that saying for something good coming out of something bad? All’s well that end’s well?

Firebenders and their tempers.

Oh wow, that must hurt something really bad. Thinking that some of your people have survived, only to find out that, nope, total strangers have taken over what used to be your territory and they’re busily destroying even the remains and history of your people.

Also, I find it funny how consistently the show frames Aang and Katara together, and Sokka individually. It’s like, Aang+Katara & Sokka. Or it’s all three of them together.

Totally unrelated people having the same “spirit” as yours is….. noooot quite the same as your people actually being alive. But okay, show, whatever you want to say.

Okay? Why can’t Katara learn healing from the “girls” and Aang fighting from the “boys”, and then they can teach each other afterwards? Can you teach healing? Or is it something only waterbending girls are born with? (Also, this is what I mean with mouthpieces. I’d much prefer if they just did it instead of making a Big Production about it every time.)

I mean, at least I grew up with Lara Croft.

Prince Hothead: Good riddance to those traitors.

Iroh: It’s a lovely night for a walk. Why don’t you join me? It would clear your head. Or just stay in your room and sit in the dark. Whatever makes you happy.

Oh my god, this kid. Prince Hothead’s overdramatics are starting to remind me of Harry. *sighs*

And what’s the lesson we learn from this? When your uncle invites you for a walk, you go instead of sulking in your dark room. Besides, considering how much Uncle Iroh cares about that kid, the beautiful teamwork with Aang, and the traumatic backstory, it’s pretty obvious that Prince Hothead is going to get a redemption arc. So… can we just get on with it already? Because I’m not sure how long I can put up with his edge and overdramatics.

Aang: Master Poophead won’t teach her because she’s a girl.

Sokka: Why don’t you just teach her, Aang?

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID. THANK YOU, SOKKA.

Oh my god, this episode is killing me. Why do american stories need to be like this?

AND EVERYBODY CLAPPED. Ha ha, and a closeup shot reveals it’s mostly little kids having fun. *siiiighs* Besides, the animation is ridiculously inconsistent for the crowd: like, pick one already!

“Go, Katara!” — Aang is the cutest Katara fanboy, though. I’ll forgive anything if it involves Aang being cute.

Oh my god, no. Ten seconds to the reveal that Mr I Don’t Teach Little Girls was Katara’s grandmother’s arranged fiancé.

Ha ha, I just love how all the women and little kids in the crowd are shocked and scared, but the men just stand around looking confused or like, “uuuuh, what’s going on here?”

And look at that, it was almost exactly ten seconds. *massive eye roll*

I am just saying, I very much doubt surprise kisses would work in real life. But good for you, Sokka! Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he does have a way with girls, ha ha.

Ha ha, Aang is the cutest little dumbass ever. His little waterbending snowman. ❤

Realistically speaking… if the water tribe can control water and they live right in the middle of it… how would a fleet of firebenders ever conquer anything in there?

Oh, okay. Because the waterbenders don’t actually do anything much with the water around them.

Yin-yang koi, huh.

“You little peasant. You’ve found a master, haven’t you?” — Prince Hothead should seriously work on his insults.

I JUST REALLY LOVE KATARA BEING AANG’S “AVATAR”, OKAY. And it’s so much better than using either Katara or Sokka as mouthpieces.

“I finally have you . . .” — Ha ha, ship bait. Still baffled that people didn’t go crazy for Aang/Zuko, considering that people go crazy for every equivalent in other pieces of media, whether real or completely imagined. Harry/Draco. *cough*

“There’s always something. Not that you would understand. You’re like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She’s a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don’t need luck, though. I don’t want it. I’ve always had to struggle and fight and that’s made me strong. It’s made me who I am.” — Oh my god, Zuko, I don’t care.

“But the Ocean and Moon gave up their immortality to become a part of our world. And now they will face the consequences.” — Ah. Let me guess, Princess Yue?

“Wait, we can’t just leave him here. No, if we leave him he’ll die.” — Oh, Aang. ALSO, THE INTERNET HAS SERIOUSLY FAILED WITH THIS SHIP.

Well, at least capturing the koi fish didn’t literally destroy the moon like in Dragon Ball. As an aside, the concept of Dragon Ball criticism is still so wild to me. Like, the good guys literally destroyed the moon. Several times. They’re all dead. That should’ve been a really big indicator of how seriously you need to take that manga — which is to say, NOT SERIOUSLY AT ALL. *sighs*

“I am … a legend, now! The Fire Nation will, for generations, tell stories about the great Zhao, who darkened the moon. They will call me, Zhao the Conqueror, Zhao the Moon Slayer, Zhao the Invincible!” — Ugh, this guy is such a bore too.

Are we channelling Princess Mononoke now?

I’m sorry, but it’s just — difficult to care about a relationship that lasted, like, five minutes out of two episodes. I mean, yeah, blah blah blah, sad but there’s just no emotional investment?

Soooo… technically, was that second kiss with a fish?

And it ends with a Katara/Aang hug. They sure are physically affectionate.

---

I was going to put the whole show in this post but I already did that with Gossip Girl and that ended up being a bit too long. So I’ll just do a separate post for each season. Also, no pictures because I’m lazy.

Gossip Girl (2007-2012)

Lately I’ve been on this memory lane of “hey, I remember that show, I wonder if it’s as bad as my memories of it”. And the answer is, yes. Yes, it is. This show pretty much exemplifies what I mean when I talk about “tv americanism”. Here are just some of my impressions as I’ve been re-watching this show:

It’s funny how obviously Chuck was supposed to be just this disposable two-bit villain for the first episodes. I mean, this dude tried to force himself on Serena and then a fourteen-year-old girl, never mind all the other rape allusions, but then they decided to keep his character for reasons. And it was all either just brushed under the carpet or Totally Not Mentioned Again.

Okay. So this is one of those shows. *adjusts my expectations*

Serena isn’t actually That Loose.

Blair and Chuck don’t actually have that much sex. I mean, two times in the first season and for the whole of the second season their sex is with Everybody But With Each Other.

If you watch this from the hindsight that Dan is gossip girl, the dude is a complete sociopath. “It looks like little J was spreading lies instead of her legs” — like, dude, that’s your fifteen-year-old little sister you’re writing about. Or how he blows up at Rachel for sending rumours to gossip girl when he’s the one posting it all, ha ha. Or how he’s so up his own high horse that he demands total honesty from everyone else while he’s the stalker extraordinaire combing through an internet celebrity’s photos to figure out where she lives from reflections. Which means that this show swiftly becomes horror instead of… a teen soap opera?

I mean, it’s not even that Dan is the moral compass of this show because, ha ha, Dan has no moral high horse to sit on even if you discount him being gossip girl and a total sociopath. This dude is so petty-minded that he judges Serena for who she is, who she should be and who he thinks she is. He’s so petty-minded that their second break-up happens because Serena is Serena and she has money and Dan doesn’t. He’s almost completely unshippable which probably means all the ship fights were over him.

Speaking of their break-ups, I really don’t get what was the problem with their third break-up. I mean, they’ve already fallen in love, seen each other naked, and had sex? Is it really any weirder before or after their parents are dating, or becoming step-siblings, or sharing a half-sibling? Like, is it any weirder to say “I used to date my step-sister” than “I’m dating my step-sister”?

Dan honestly seems like a totally terrible writer. This dude has supposedly been writing since he could hold a pen and yet his only literary achievements are self-insert fiction? Oh my god, he’s Max from Life is Strange. Never mind how narrow-minded and judgemental he constantly is until he either “sees otherwise” — oh my god, rich people are people too?! who knew?! — or someone points out what a hypocritical twat he is. Like, he really doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who can imagine himself in someone else’s shoes — which probably explains the self-insert fiction.

It’s hilarious how irrelevant Nate is. I mean, Nate is basically what people think Serena is. The dude flits from one relationship to the next and tells every girl “I want to be with you“. Sorry, after the tenth or twentieth time, it’s a bit hard to take you seriously. He’s practically been with every major girl in this series: Blair, Serena, Blair, Vanessa, Jenny, Vanessa, Blair again, Dutchess Banging My Stepson, etc.

How exactly did Blair fight for Chuck? I mean, flitting from Nate to Lord Banging My Stepmom to Chuck’s uncle to Carter to Nate again is hardly fighting for him? Or do they mean that one episode when she was trying to get sex from him, or when she almost confessed that she loves him, or when she talked him down from the edge of the roof after his dad’s death? Because I gotta say, I’m pretty sure any one of his friends and maybe not-so-friends would’ve done that? Whether they would’ve succeeded is a different matter but that has more to do with Chuck’s feelings for Blair than Blair’s feelings for Chuck.

Blair, please, you’re cute but confessing your love to a guy after his dad’s funeral when he’s in the depths of depression, self-loathing and substance abuse is hardly a good move. What exactly did she think would happen, he’d snap out of it with the power of love? Ha ha. Like, Chuck literally isn’t in the mental or emotional space where he could even think of taking that in.

Also, Blair has a hilariously terrible taste in men. She also seems to go for the “safe, normal” guys when she thinks she has nothing else left for her. You do you, Blair.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from “tv americanism” it’s that if there’s a good-looking young stepmom or teacher, someone is going to have sex with them.

Oh, look — I was wrong. They did bring up the whole almost raping a fourteen-year-old. Chuck actually apologised to her. You know what that means? Hilariously, he’s a better character than Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in which Spike and the narrative blamed Buffy for the attempted rape. “You were using me” — fuck you, Spike.

Well, Chuck didn’t apologise to Serena but Serena doesn’t seem to mind and regularly stays alone with him afterwards so eh, whatever?

Why are these characters high schoolers instead of college students or working adults?

How is anyone taking this petty-minded mean girlism seriously?

You know, this show had a real chance of saying something about gossip culture and parasocial relationships but instead they opted for “it was the sociopath stalker boy all along and oh by the way, he gets the girl”.

It’s hilarious that the fandom fights about toxic relationships in this show when they’re all more or less Terrible People and that’s the Point.

You know, the only problem in Blair and Chuck’s relationship seems to be that everyone else wants to meddle in it. If Blair and Chuck have fun roleplaying, let them? Who cares if it’s something you can’t understand? Let the weird couple have their weird roleplays if it makes them happy. Blair is easily susceptible and she immediately starts doubting herself if someone contradicts or urges her on — which probably explains Nate, Lord Banging My Stepmom, Yale, etc etc. Besides, of course Blair would be into roleplay, ha ha. And I guess that would make Chuck the only thing she actually chose herself.

Blair and Chuck are honestly stupid and cute together.

Season 3 Chuck looks the cutest so far for some reason. I mean look-wise (and it helps that he isn’t doing that constant mouth-purse thing). Personality-wise it’s mostly around Blair.

Well, okay, he’s pretty cute around other people too. Either you can take that as Character Development or the show just completely rewriting his pilot personality. Either way, it’s Not That Serious in a show of this quality.

You know, the first actual problem in their relationship wasn’t that Blair manipulated Chuck to kiss a guy or whatever. It’s that Chuck knows Blair and he knows that Blair doesn’t respect or think twice about the people she manipulates, and it really must’ve hurt for him to find out that she can do that to him too when he loves her so much and would do anything if she just asked.

The second legitimate problem in their relationship is that they’re no longer on the same page in their lives. Blair is too childish and petty for someone who is already becoming an adult and trying to make it in the adult world. And it really doesn’t help that this problem is coming right on the heels of broken trust. Especially when Chuck really hasn’t been given much reason to trust other people in his entire life, ha ha.

The step thing is so ridiculous. If you don’t want anyone to sit above you, why not just, you know, sit on the highest step?

Uh-oh, that’s the second break of trust between Chuck and Blair, ha ha. You know, Blair is cute most of the time if you don’t take her too seriously but she really is — so childish and petty.

Ha ha, all of these characters are terrible and selfish and then the fandom actually argues over “toxic relationships”. They’re all constantly lying, manipulating and screwing each other over. Talk about missing the point.

Did the show just not know what to do with Jenny or is there another reason why they keep repeating her only character arc?

Ha ha, frankly, your “moral compass” doesn’t mean anything if it screws over your family. Besides, all US politicians are bought pathological liars, otherwise they wouldn’t get into politics.

Season 3 makes me wonder why Chuck didn’t just disown all of his friends, ha ha. Like, he’s practically the only one becoming an adult and all of his friends keep undermining his best efforts.

Aww, Chuck has so many good moments when it comes to Blair. I wonder when the show is going to ruin that.

Oops, I guess Serena is That Loose after all.

Serena, the dude wants to have sex with you and that’s a big no when he’s just become a politician or whatever and he’s married. He is trying to Resist Temptation. Besides, do americans even care about their politicians’ sex scandals? Because judging by the state of their politicians, past or present, it doesn’t seem like it? I mean, basically all of them have to have disturbing sex scandals in the closet at least so they’re easier to blackmail.

“Say something”, Tripp says about a second after he’s done talking. Give the girl a few seconds at least.

Ha ha, I think Chuck would like Blair in anything.

What did you expect from Nate, Serena? That he’d totally support you for starting a relationship with his married congressman cousin?

It’s so funny how this show makes a big deal about the threesome when all of these characters have seen each other naked and been in each other’s private bits. Well, aside from the boy/boy and girl/girl pairings but I guess that’ll happen in Current Year’s shows.

So instead of even a slow descent into madness, we switch right from a loving, supportive relationship to “I’m seeing my father’s ghost and he tells me you make me soft” distance? Okay then. Great writing.

Ha ha, it’s cute how Chuck immediately regrets his words to Blair. They’re cute, I don’t even care.

Okay, Blair does have her moments of maturity when it comes to supporting Chuck in their relationship.

Besides, I really don’t get how or why anyone would argue over ships in american shows considering that most of these shows are practically swingers clubs anyway.

Jenny’s entire character, ha ha. Talk about tiresome character arcs that keep repeating.

Oh no, Chuck sounds so happy about talking with his mother or fake-mother (I don’t remember anymore).

Chuck is being sued for sexual harassment and he says he would never do that to his hotel or to Blair. Why is that both so funny and kind of cute? Like, it’s not even “I would never sexually harass anyone” but “I would never do that to YOU”, ha ha.

This show really is “tv americanism” at its finest.

Ha ha, it’s cute how Chuck turns into a happy little boy in front of his mother.

“He treats me like I’m an adult,” says the sixteen-year-old. Yes, because he wants sex from you. *eye roll*

These shows are so baaaad, ha ha. Why is it so unreasonable to do a dna test of your mother who was supposed to be dead for the past eighteen-nineteen years?

Aww, Lily and Chuck are really cute. I hope the show doesn’t ruin their relationship.

Like, the sheer psychological damage that Chuck’s uncle is inflicting him with this elaborate “your mother isn’t actually dead” ruse is… off the charts, to say the least.

You know, most of Chuck and Blair’s actual bonding happens during cuddles.

Dan is actually a Terrible Boyfriend. To all of his girlfriends. Like, I still can’t believe that Dan’s defining character trait is a writer.

To be honest, flushing drugs or other substances down the toilet is the worst idea ever. That stuff goes right into the water sources and pollutes them.

You know, Jenny, you’re the reason why you haven’t been happy in your life. She’s been pretty much messing it up all on her own on a consistent basis.

“Spotted, Little J, passing out in a taxi” while the girls around her are talking about getting her gang raped — like, Dan! you creep! that’s your sixteen-year-old drugged little sister.

The writers of this show really didn’t think the whole Dan is gossip girl through. Although the idea of Dan spending his formative years essentially catfishing online is — hilarious.

Chuck’s mother or fake-mother, just because you tell a dude “me or the hotel” it doesn’t really mean you have to give him the hotel when he picks it!

“What’s wrong with me?” Jenny asks — I don’t know, your terrible life decisions?

Jack, you’re like, a thirty-something drug addict rapist. Hitting on a nineteen-year-old girl.

“Would not have been a good idea to tell Serena how I felt about every outfit she wore.” — Seriously, Dan?

Oh my god, the whole point of reading other people’s drafts is to give constructive feedback so it can be made better. What worked, what didn’t work, etc. That is why it is called a draft. And if they’re so insecure in their chosen craft and relationship, then maybe it’s better if they break up asap.

Dorota is genuinely speaking the most adorable character in this show, ha ha. ❤

Jenny, you’re seriously using your non-consensual drugging and almost rape to get a wedge in someone’s relationship. This is what’s wrong with you and your life.

“Smile like the killer you are” — oh my god, Dan, you’re so petty and passive-aggressive. Like, he lied FIRST and then he gets petty about Vanessa lying too and giving him constructive feedback on his draft?

“I’m already dead” — ha ha, Chuck, you’re so melodramatic.

If Chuck supposedly manipulated Blair into going to Jack, why is he so alarmed when he realises it?

You know, considering Jack already signed the contract, why not snatch it up and make a run for it?

“Chuck wouldn’t do this to me”. — Well, I mean, you and Chuck are the same and you already did it to him, Blair, so… Besides, who on earth would believe Jack’s words on anything?

Aaaand Jenny continues her manipulative behaviour so she can keep pushing someone else’s boundaries without consequences.

Okay, I guess practically hiring Chuck to sleep with Vanessa and manipulating him into a non-consensual kiss with a guy isn’t as big a deal as manipulating Blair into dubious consent sex with a sleazy guy (she’s already had sex with once). But just like with the non-consensual kiss, it wasn’t about the sex, it was the manipulation.

As I said way way above, “I would do anything if you’d just asked“.

So this is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, particularly in the current year where there’s no nuance or context: but considering the hurt was the manipulation and not the end goal of the manipulation (non-consensual kiss, sex of dubious consent), they were both “bad”. Besides, the actual villain here is the thirty-something adult man who was manipulating them both. To psychologically destroy his nineteen-year-old nephew. (And who already had sex with Blair when she was eighteen.)

Here’s a pro tip: the point of “toxic relationships” isn’t whether they’re toxic or not. The point is: one) is it deliberate? and two) how do the characters themselves feel about it? and three) do they still function in the relationship?

Also, toxicity is consistent, persistent behaviour and not individual instances. So I’m sad to say that so far Chuck and Blair haven’t actually been toxic with each other.

Here’s another pro tip: The only real criticism of fiction is if it’s well-written or not.

Ha ha, Chuck also has old black-and-white film nightmares. They really lean into that soulmatism with Blair.

Aww, Blair misses sleeping next to Chuck.

Ha ha, Chuck totally ignored tall, beautiful and accent for Blair.

Blair, you had your Nate — literally. And you dumped him when you realised how bored you were.

“Maybe I overreacted. I talk with all of my exes” — Nate, half your social circle are your exes, kind of hard not to.

“It’s not just what he did. It’s what I did. This whole time, I was blaming him, but it was me too.” — I don’t know, you can disagree with the writing but you can’t say it’s not clear. I mean, it’s possible that she feels ashamed too that she couldn’t help Chuck in any other way than basically selling herself.

“Who else could love me after what I’ve become?” — Oh, Blair. Chuck loves who you are and the many possible whos you might become.

Ha ha, Blair thinks they’re in the rock bottom and Chuck wants them to be the best they are.

“I didn’t do it, but I would have.” “Better bored than ashamed of myself.” “I would do anything for you, Chuck.” “What if that’s wrong?” “I never thought it was possible to love someone too much, but maybe it is.” “I don’t like who I’ve become with you.” — Well, disagree all you want but the show pretty much spells it out. And shows like these really aren’t that complicated.

It still makes me laugh that this fandom apparently fights over toxic relationships when practically all of these characters are Terrible People.

Blair basically wants Chuck but she also wants to be independent.

You know, wanting a second doctor’s opinion — especially since William doesn’t seem all that trustworthy — isn’t a bad idea. But if Rufus partially wants it because he’s jealous that’s a little… iffy.

“What did you expect my reaction to be?” — I don’t know, Dan, supportive?

Noooo, you aren’t supposed to feed bread to ducks! Humans aren’t really supposed to eat bread either, imagine what it does to animals! Or other animals, as it were.

So wait, Lily’s ex-husband, who is a doctor, is faking a cancer diagnosis, treatment and drugs for her in order to get her back? That’s… really something. And then the fandom actually makes Chuck to be the worst character in this show.

You know what’s funny? Throughout seasons 1 and 2 when Dan was dating Serena, he kept blaming her for things that weren’t her fault but happened around her — he just jumped to conclusions. Now the same thing is happening to Dan, mostly in regards to Vanessa. I bet we aren’t going to get any epiphany out of this.

Oh my god, Vanessa and Dan aren’t five anymore. Three months really isn’t that long of a time. “Three months is too long” — no, seriously. What are you, dogs?

It’s hilarious how in stories like these all the characters believe strangers instead of the people they’ve known for years.

Serena is genuinely speaking an idiot.

“Someone highly-trained in the art of extorting information” — ha ha, but Blair for sure wants a quiet peaceful life.

Ha ha ha! Oh my god, these shows are so terrible. Everyone believes some bint from downstairs but not the man they’ve known and loved for years.

“We need your mind-game mastery to find out what.” Ha ha.

And once again, Blair is lying about her actual personality to get a guy. It seems that the only guy who loves all of her really is Chuck.

Serena has gone from well-intentioned naivety to outright ridiculous stupidity.

Jenny, this isn’t just about your family’s future, it’s about a person’s health.

Well, Dan was the only one who thought to check up on Serena so I guess he does have his moments.

Oh my god, Serena’s dad is a real piece of work.

“Waldass”. — Fortunately, the fandom didn’t adopt this ship name. Well, instead they went with Chair and if you search for chair you get, well, chairs.

“Blair loves the Empire State Building, even though she doesn’t want to and she should admit it and make all our life easier.” — Ha ha, Dorota is a delight. ❤

Uh-huh. So both Dan and Serena cheated on their partners even if was “just a kiss”. Well, never mind, emotional cheating is also cheating and it’s worse than just physical cheating.

Ha ha, Serena is actually mad at Nate for calling the cops on her dad when her dad diagnosed an entirely fake cancer and drugs to her mum just so she’d have similar symptoms to cancer.

Ha ha, Jenny is seriously going to lose her virginity to Chuck, the guy who tried to force her three years ago. Can you call that full circle or just bad writing?

Babies don’t actually start from a “clean slate”.

“Are you okay? You’re welcome to stay the night.” — ha ha, character development?

You know, I really wonder why Chuck sleeping with Jenny Humphrey is such a big deal compared to, oh I don’t know, half the world’s women? And it’s kind of cute that Chuck tried to propose to Blair at nineteen, ha ha.

Well, that was a season finale, all right.

“. . . who’s doing the same thing as me and feeling the same things as I am.” — So in other words, Chuck?

The thought of Dan still having the time to stalk and gossip about Serena and Blair while he’s taking care of a newborn is hilarious.

Ha ha, Blair is such a social climber. You’d think she would’ve already learned from the whole Lord Banging My Stepmom fiasco.

Ha ha ha, was Dan seriously conned into raising someone else’s child at nineteen/twenty?

Honestly, I really wonder what every non-Chuck guy sees in Blair. She meets these lords and princes, and they hide their identities because they want her to like them for who they are, but then she decidedly doesn’t like them for who they are, she just wants the status. And after they find this out, she still gets the guy? Like, you’re a lord and a prince. Hold an auction and you can have your pick of the litter.

Did anyone who watched this show really have a pressing need to know who “gossip girl” is? Because it’s obvious that gossip girl was never supposed to be a character, it was just a narrative device?

Well, Chuck is running from himself and Blair is once again pretending to be someone she is not just so she can bag a prince.

Blair’s talk about her relationship with Chuck being so “dark” is — totally unearned. Because practically 90% of their scenes together were just them being stupid dorks in love and cuddling.

Dan is seriously the worst friend. Like, he’s known Vanessa his entire life, has a short-lived relationship with her that started out of a threesome, ends up kissing his ex-girlfriend when she’s gone, attempts to go after said ex-girlfriend before Georgina pops up with a baby she claims is his, and then when Vanessa gets back, he has sex with her again — without resolving any of the previous.

Huh. For something they could’ve just retconned when they decided to keep Chuck’s character, he keeps reaping the consequences of almost forcing himself on Jenny. And he actually admits his responsibility and apologises for it. You know, unlike “he has a soul now!”

Admittedly, even though it’s kind of hilarious that Dan got conned into taking care of someone else’s child at nineteen/twenty, it’s… actually very decent of him not to put him up in foster care.

Aww, Chuck’s little smile when Lily says she loves him.

It’s so funny how terrible all the characters in these shows are. Like, Dan, if you’re not over Serena, why ask or let Vanessa move in with you?

“You can’t stand to see someone finally changed me and it wasn’t you.” — Well, technically true.

Ha ha! Chuck is so petty. I really hope the fandom didn’t take him actually seriously in Season Four.

All the relationships in this show are utterly terrible.

Dan is seriously the worst friend ever.

Does Rufus even have a job anymore?

I don’t care, Chuck and Blair are still dumb and cute, ha ha.

Dan, you broke up with Serena, what, three, four, five times? Once because you got sick of her mess of a life, once because you didn’t like her being rich essentially, once because you were going to become step-siblings, once because you shared a half-sibling, once because you thought she was an indecisive hussy, so evidently no, you wouldn’t have “done anything” for her.

You know, Blair, being loved and loving someone isn’t “weak”.

Well, Dan has his moments when it comes to Serena. And I guess the other characters.

So wait, Ben gets to basically destroy his sister’s life in his revenge to “take down Serena” but when his sister goes too far it’s all “don’t you dare”?

RUFUS. DO YOU HAVE A JOB?

So basically, the whole Blair/Dan thing is just a discount and recycled Chuck/Blair and Nate/Blair?

You know, it’s so funny how Nate is all “Dad, you need to find a job” when it’s like, Nate, do you have a job?

Dan and Blair are so incompatible personality- and look-wise.

“With you, she was caught in schemes and takedowns. That’s not really her. She’s intelligent, intuitive, you know.” — Like, Dan? Blair? Caught up in schemes and takedowns? Because of Chuck? Because Blair surely, you know, absolutely dislikes schemes and takedowns instead of literally getting off on them? And she’s so intelligent and intuitive that evidently she doesn’t have any agency of her own?

I — really can’t believe that they paired Dan and Blair for a while. Like, it’s not even opposites attract. Dan should be a complete non-attraction for Blair. The guy can’t even talk mellifluously. I’m convinced half of their conversations should end with, “Spit it out, Humphrey!”

So Blair kissed Dan and realised how much she wanted him to be Chuck? Can’t fault her but… that’s still the funniest thing ever.

Like, I really don’t understand the Blair/Dan ship? I mean, okay, you ship it because you think Chuck/Blair is toxic and abusive and problematic, whatever, but… why ship Blair at all? Or Dan for that matter? Dan is, like, the least interesting character in this mess of a show?

SHE CALLED DAN A TOAD. AND DOROTA CALLED HIM A DOG. They’re a delight. ❤

To be honest, half the problems in Chuck and Blair’s relationship feel manufactured to keep them apart rather than anything else. Because obviously a winning formula of relationship drama is “will they or won’t they”.

Do any of these characters even pretend to go to college anymore?

How is anyone supposed to watch out for cousin Charlie if the mom doesn’t explain what’s up in the first place?

“I was humiliated.” — Ha ha, Blair is such a delight with her reactions to Dan. They should’ve just stayed as reluctant frenemies.

“Are you ready to go public, my family be damned?” — Louis, you’ve known each other for two days.

The show keeps mentioning this “Chuck’s darkness” that “Blair was sucked into”, but it really failed to show that. Sure, there was that period when both of them refused to admit their feelings but let’s face it, it was mostly meaningless teenage stuff. Then there was that period when Chuck was suicidal about his grief over his dead dad. Most of Season Three when they were actually together was just them being dumb, playing games and cuddling. You know, until Chuck’s uncle came around to ruin his life because that’s a totally normal thing to do to your eighteen or nineteen-year-old nephew. The only truly “dark” thing between them was that time when Chuck was going to trade Blair for the hotel. But other than that? I don’t know, they were just dorks?

Dude, you accidentally burned your wife to death. Like, you should have bigger psychological problems than your daughter possibly finding out?

And that’s why, kids, you don’t toss your important medication into a public bin.

Dan, you had sex with your high school teacher. I’d say that suffices as “crazy”.

Well, I mean… would you really trust a guy who doesn’t seem to even have depression about accidentally burning his wife to death? …..if it even was an accident, considering the wife was cheating on him and going to leave him.

Fitzgerald! Dan’s favourite author too, huh. And yet I don’t think he and Serena ever discussed books?

Oh, these shows. The girls just flit from one guy to the next because they’re so terrified of being alone.

It’s a real wonder that Blair tolerates Dan even as a friend, let alone starts dating him later.

Ha ha, Dan wrote Nate as a homosexual in his fan fiction. Dan, do you have something to tell?

“I know how little imagination he has.” — Ha ha, oh, Blair. You’re the best when you belittle Dan.

Nate/Diana Payne is honestly kind of awkward because they look surprisingly similar so they could’ve easily been cast as family.

Aaaand Dan killed Chuck’s character off in his little fan fiction novel of his life. So that’s two of Blair’s exes fictionally eliminated, and absolutely no one thought this was a little creepy? You know, I said at the beginning that Dan is a complete sociopath and his actor said the exact same thing. You have no idea how funny I thought that was.

So wait, not only did Dan make Nate’s character a homosexual but he basically completely erased him by conflating him with Eric?

Well, Blair was wrong. Dan, indeed, has a very wild imagination. And no, they still don’t look aesthetically pleasing together.

Ha ha, honestly, Chuck is such a delight. The way he’s having so much fun with Dan’s thinly-veiled fan fiction of an autobiography. Also, I suspect Dan would be really bad at writing an autobiography. He doesn’t seem to have the self-awareness and honesty for it.

Chuuuuck, no. Why do you keep pushing Blair at these dudes who want her to be someone she’s not?

Blair! Don’t do it! He didn’t say he’d learn to trust you, he just said that he could never let you go!

Ha ha, Louis is raising more red flags in a few episodes than Chuck did throughout the whole show.

You know, it’s interesting that Chuck not only knows he needs help, he also admits it and seeks it out. And even his therapist is a manipulative schemer using him to her own ends. Like, this guy does not have it easy, ha ha. He literally can’t trust anyone in his life.

I really don’t get the problem with the movie about Dan’s book. I mean, he already wrote “himself” as an obnoxious, judgemental, narrow-minded insider who betrayed all of his friends to get to the top and ended up alone so…? It’s not a real autobiography. It’s just a satire fan fiction of his life.

He apologised! For everything! And Blair was so down to run away with him if Chuck had said the word and he chose not to because he wanted to be better and heal. And this is why we don’t treat characters as if they’re static.

Ha ha, Ivy Dickens.

Dan is seriously such a pampered idiot. How did he not know! That being a writer is hard! And he just published his first book! What did he think, that he’d launch into instant stardom and he’d never have to write again to stay relevant?

RED FLAG! BLAIR! RUN AWAY!

Oh my god, Nate was the only one who didn’t send gossip to gossip girl. He’s too sweet, ha ha.

I can’t believe that Dan crashes Blair’s baby shower drunk and high, and then Chuck gets blamed along with him. — Oh good, he didn’t get the blame.

Chuck even tucked Dan in. That’s adorable.

Ha ha, for all that talk that Chuck brings out the worst in Blair and Blair brings out the best in Chuck, and it’s still getting together with Blair that brings out the worst in Louis and letting go of Blair that brings out the best in Chuck. Oh, the irony.

Dan, trust me. You really, really don’t know how to make Blair happy, ha ha. Oh look, Dan isn’t completely stupid. He brought Chuck to Blair.

It’s kind of funny how everyone is like, “what’s wrong with Blair!” when she got into a car accident and lost her baby three weeks ago.

Ha ha, that’s so contrived.

Dan seriously is a complete sociopath. Dude, stop blaming Chuck for things you do.

You know, Dan/Blair is basically the Gossip Girl equivalent of Spike/Buffy.

Dan is — pretty much acting like those creeps that every girl complains about: you know, the guy who pretends to be your friend while badmouthing your actual boyfriends and sabotaging your relationships.

Ha ha, Dan, you wanted to do all that — you know, after ruining her wedding. So how about you don’t think you’re entitled to anything from Blair and just keep acting like a lackey?

RED FLAGS! RED FLAGS! Blair, get away from Dan!

Huh, apparently it was Serena who released the video? Or well, she was apparently the one who sent it to Gossip Girl and since Dan is the gossip girl he still released it. And like, outsources his blame to everyone else. Oh, okay, never mind, it was probably still all Dan.

Oh yep, it was all Dan. So in other words, Dan’s a total creep, ha ha.

And yet fandom made Dan/Blair the wholesome non-toxic pairing?

It’s honestly creepy that Dan wrote a whole fan fiction of an autobiography about his life in which he made Blair’s actual loves of her life either homosexuals or dead by suicide, and basically faked this entire passionate affair with her in his fevered imagination.

Oh my god, Dan’s book is making me die of second-hand mortification.

MAJOR RED FLAGS, BLAIR.

NO HE IS NOT. He’s constantly belittled Blair, sabotaged her, looked down on her, wanted her to change, and now that he finally wants something from her, he also feels entitled to get it.

NO HE DOES NOT. The only one who’s loved all of Blair is Chuck, ha ha.

Dan has been nothing but a good friend to Chuck? Um. Okay. Sure.

You know, it’s amazing that Chuck still has to take the blame for the video that Dan sent (and posted). So that Dan could, you know, ruin Blair’s relationship both to Louis and Chuck. And of course, Blair folded in, like, two seconds for Dan because it’s Dan. Who cares if Dan ruined her wedding, her marriage, and let the love of her life and best friend take the blame for him?

The relationship between Lily and Chuck is the actual love story in this show.

So basically, Blair had to lose her baby, Chuck, Louis, her friends and her personality so the only person she could rely on was Dan? Does it… you know… ever occur to writers that if you need to make a character lose everything, including their personality, to make a relationship happen then maaaaybe it’s not supposed to happen? And Dan/Blair still doesn’t look aesthetically pleasing. And because of that I really can’t say that they have romantic or sexual chemistry. Do they have cute moments? I mean, I guess? Blair’s actress looks cute no matter what she does?

In a way, I feel kind of bad for Ivy Dickens. I mean, in her own way she did care about the people she conned and she just wanted a place to belong.

HA HA. AND THEIR SEX WAS BAD. I like to call that karmic justice.

I mean, c’mon. Chuck and Blair did it at the back of a limo and it was her first time, and it was still the best time of her life to the point that the back of a limo is sacred to them both.

*raises eyebrows*

Dan, you’re seriously blaming Blair for the bad sex instead of having an honest conversation about it with her? Like, Blair said Nate was bad at sex and she never had bad sex with Chuck.

Why are we wasting time on this unpleasing pairing?

There’s… something kind of gross about the fact that Blair has to be seven sheets to the wind and Dan has to be drunk before they can have “good” sex, and it’s — still very unpleasant to look at.

Honestly, their relationship was the best when Blair just made these disgusted faces at him and Dan just did — whatever it is that Dans do.

Chuck paid Blair’s dowry — while she’s busy contaminating herself with Dan Humphreys.

*raises eyebrows*

Dan, Chuck has been doing plenty of nice things for Blair (and others) that he didn’t want credit for. Like that time he arranged her dream prom and voted for her 150 times to make her the prom queen. What is wrong with all of these characters? I mean, are the other characters supposed to be right or wrong about Chuck because if they’re supposed to be right, it’s just not reflected in the actual writing?

Ha ha, Blair feels as if she’s closing the door on Chuck if she signs the divorce papers. These shows really aren’t subtle, it’s hilarious.

This show is so frustrating when everyone keeps accusing Chuck of things he hasn’t even done and then no one apologises to him, ha ha. It’s like, has he not spent the entire show changing and developing unlike the rest of these morons who either don’t develop or become distinctly worse?

Soooo basically, Dan does a discount version of things that Chuck has already done for Blair and the only difference is that Blair knows Dan is doing it? Aaaand we accuse Chuck of being a selfish manipulator who never does things for others why…?

You know, this show was kind of terrible to begin with but it’s really reaching unexplored nadirs with this whole Dan/Blair thing.

And now I’m getting second-hand embarrassment over how contrived Dan/Blair is. I mean, they just happened to chance on a couple who had the exact same problems as them and they spent the entire lunch discussing their relationship? What? Who wrote this?

Hmm… I feel that Blair would rather spend a pleasant evening eviscerating the people who attended her and Dan’s “coming out” party than, well, discussing “wit and intellect” with them?

And it really does say something that Blair can’t even hang out with her actual best friends just so she can keep dating Humphrey. I’m honestly just getting terrible flashbacks of Spike/Buffy from this.

Ha ha, Chuck’s face. It says it all about Dan and Blair’s “coming out” party.

Nate had sex with Chuck’s mother (or new fake-mother). Who was that Japanese baseball player who married his best friend’s mum? I might misremember the sport but I do recall seeing that as a footnote in a manga somewhere, and internet search engines are as unhelpful as ever.

So wait, Chuck’s dad had a child outside of marriage. They made a deal to keep the child because his wife couldn’t have one. Then a divorce happened at some point and Chuck’s dad pretended that Chuck’s mum was dead the whole time? That’s… No wonder the kid is a mess. — And the whole thing was fake again.

Why do I get the feeling that this show just totally undid all the development that Lily got in two episodes?

Finally, Blair is starting to resemble herself again. And honestly, she’d die of boredom in the circles that Dan runs in. I’m surprised she already hasn’t.

Ha ha, these shows are so unsubtle in the most hilarious ways. Blair is looking for her old self, Blair Waldorf, and whom does she bump into? Chuck Bass.

And then poor Chuck’s new fake mother isn’t his mother after all, and instead his uncle might be his dad. Ha ha, I’m surprised this guy isn’t more of a mess than he is.

Well, Blair certainly was fast to stop someone from hitting on Chuck, ha ha.

And now Chuck’s dad, who died in season two, I think, is back from the dead. Soap operas, so terrible and yet so addicting.

Dan pretty much squandered his chances to advance in his “literary career” because he doesn’t trust Blair and then told her he loves her and she didn’t answer. I’m pretty sure that we’ve learned by now what it means when Blair doesn’t answer. And I still don’t really get a sense of why she’s with Humphrey in the first place? Aside from thinking she’s obliged to because Dan is her “best friend” and she wants him to be “happy”?

The most important thing in a relationship is trust — after sex, hygiene and earning potential, huh. So basically… the exact opposite of Dan?

Well, at least Blair is slowly starting to feel like herself again.

Cultural stimulation? It’s not even intellectual stimulation. Which, again, was done with Chuck first. You know, in the first season when they decided to start making Blair/Chuck a thing and Chuck complimented Blair that “people don’t give you enough credit for your wit” and made her smile.

“All she does is lie and scheme and she’s done nothing but hurt you all year. She’s never gonna change. The Blair you’re in love with isn’t the real Blair. It’s the one that you created in your book.” — Thank you, Serena.

And now Dan is cheating on Blair. You know, I think Chuck is the only one who hasn’t cheated on his girlfriends but to be fair, he’s had… about two of them? Blair and Eva?

Oh man, Chuck and Blair’s relationship is so funny. They’re so determined to stretch that “will they or won’t they” until the end. Also, I’m really happy that she chose Chuck before finding out that Dan cheated on her with Serena just like Nate. Chuck did also have a point: he does a lot of things for Blair and all he basically gets back is running, hiding and accusing him of things he hasn’t done.

Aww, Chuck and Blair are still so cute.

Ha ha, oh Chuck, the rush is that Blair hasn’t been done properly for a year.

Ha ha! Yes! Slap him again, Blair!

Ha ha! Yes! Slap him again, Serena!

ALL SLAP DAN DAY!

Dan, please. Just stop talking. You’re becoming increasingly pathetic. Contrary to popular belief, Blair does not owe you anything, least of all herself, regardless of how “well” you treated her.

Ha ha, “I just want someone who can read my mind,” Blair says, and in enters Chuck Bass.

So Dan and Serena are pretty much re-enacting their entire relationship in an episode. And that’s… supposed to establish them as the “end game”?

I have basically a negative interest in Dan Humphrey but… *sighs* he is pretty cute with Serena. Damn it.

For basically a street rat, Ivy is surprisingly naive.

Oh no, they did ruin Lily and Chuck’s relationship. Okay, no, never mind. They fixed it again. Sort of.

Yay! Chuck got to punch his dad!

Eh, okay. Jack is kind of funny.

Aww, their wedding was so cute.

So… the fandom seriously singled out Chuck as the most toxic character in this show instead of William I Diagnosed My Wife With A Second Fake Cancer and Fed Her Placebos Just to Get Back in Her Pants Van Der Woodsen? And just because of that one time Chuck tried to trade Blair for his hotel which was manipulated by his Uncle I Sleep With Underage Girls?

Okay. That’s… certainly a choice.

And no, I don’t count the pilot episode for his misdeeds because, you know, he was so obviously supposed to be a throwaway character before they decided to keep him. So, I don’t know, seems silly to get all that worked up about it? Particularly if you’re going to act as if he remained static from the pilot episode?

Besides, look. The whole Point of this show was that all of these characters are terrible and toxic but if one of them called in the middle of the night asking for help to hide a body, they’d be there. And all you, the viewer, had to do was have fun watching their insane shenanigans.

So… happy end, I guess?

20 Minutes till Dawn (2022)

I was feeling lazy today so I played this game because I got it for cheap. It was bullet hell and bullet hell games are addictive right until you get to the point when you’re actually invincible, at which point the game becomes monotonous. I only played it for about a day and I think I already had my fill.

There were about a dozen characters and their designs were cute, and each had a unique skill and different amounts of hearts. There were about a dozen of weapons as well, but I only tried… revolver, shotgun, flame cannon, grenade launcher and magic bow. As I said, I already had my fill so I can’t exactly talk about each combination of characters and weapons.

There were two sets of rune upgrades (basically offence and defence) and each of them had five ranks with three different skills. You could only equip one from each rank, though, and they didn’t work in endless mode.

The game had three modes: standard, quickplay and endless. In the standard mode, you have to survive for 20 minutes and you can upgrade the difficulty (I got to darkness level 1). In the quickplay mode, this is cut to 10 minutes. And the endless mode is, well endless.

I only tried the standard and endless modes. And I can say with relative confidence that the endless mode was, indeed, endless once you hit the right build for the character. I gave up on 110 minutes because I started thinking, “you aren’t seriously going to play this for hours“. Not just because it was starting to feel monotonous but also because around the 60-minute mark, the game started lagging and almost freezing. I was worried I’d lose all that progress so I self-immolated my character.

It was an okay game for killing a few hours for 4,99 euros. But I have the same problem with games like these as I have with simulations. Basically whenever I play a cute-looking pixel simulation, it goes something like this: *emerges three days later and doesn’t touch it again for years*.

Obviously, farming sims and the like aren’t meant to be “finished” but for someone who is a bit of a completionist, it does feel a little bit annoying to leave them “unfinished” anyway.

As for improvements, the only one that comes to mind is the skill tree. I would’ve liked to see the upgrades I’d already picked while in the upgrade window. It was difficult to keep track of them in the endless mode. Though, my knowledge of game design is very rudimentary so I don’t know if this would’ve been feasible.

I wasn’t all that sure about posting this (because I’m not saying anything that interesting or smart) but then I figured that there’s so much competition that I probably should get into the habit of reviewing games or books more often.

Demon’s Souls Remake (2020)

The other day I was visiting my sister and got an opportunity to try the Demon’s Souls Remake. Now, it’s been a few years since I’ve played the original so I don’t think I can make an exact comparison between the two so I’ll just kind of list my impressions of the few hours I had time to play the remake.

I’ve seen some reviews about this game that talked about how “the combat is so visceral, I can really feel it when I shove that weapon into an enemy” which mostly just made me side-eye the reviewer. Since I can’t post my exact sentiments about this “viscerality”, I’ll just say that I — didn’t notice. *shrugs* Like yeah, it had sound effects and “weight” but eh? it was what it was.

Souls games have this parry and riposte or stagger mechanic, which is basically a guaranteed critical hit, and personally I’ve never used it. Mostly because I never took the time to learn it. Like, I’m the kind of girl who usually just adds damage and goes to town and if the boss doesn’t fall with some violence then it means I’m not using enough of it, ha ha.

For example, Rom the Vacuous Spider in Bloodborne. I had some trouble with it and so I looked up this intricate strategy on how to defeat it online and that ended with me dying in ten seconds. After that, I really had enough and equipped my highest-damage blunt weapon and just smacked it to death.

But I did see some other people’s gameplays of Souls games where they stagger the enemies and I thought, “this makes the game look so much easier”. So this time I actually took the time to practise parry-riposte and I think I got the hang of it? At least against little enemies, I’m not sure if it would’ve worked against the Tower Knight.

Other than that, the combat seemed — easy. Maybe because I’m already used to Souls games and they do get easier on repeat. Or maybe because I picked the royalty class for my character because, well, I’m roleplaying and royalty.

As for the character creation… let’s just say it was really obvious that this game was remade by americans. The glowing eyes were nice, though, but I don’t remember if this was a new feature.

As for the game itself… it looked nice? Like, light and environmental details and all those fancy spell particles. But since I can’t remember if the combat was actually an improvement from the original, and the story is (probably) the same as the original, then the only real difference is the graphics (and maybe the sound). And, well, I don’t find hyperrealistic graphics so important that I’m going to say that a game is good just because of them.

I mean, this remake — like most of them — wasn’t necessary. Except maybe for selling playstation 5 to people with too much disposable income. Never mind that I’m not exactly that impressed with Bluepoint Games’ remakes because at least with Shadow of the Colossus they colossally missed the point. Team Ico’s games were never supposed to look crisp and hyperrealistic, they were all meant to have this dreamy, mythical quality to them.

And honestly, I would’ve rather got Demon’s Souls for pc than another playstation exclusive.

But now I kind of want to re-play the original. Although the thought of Tower of Latria doesn’t fill me with joy or anticipation.

The Complete Fiction of H. P. Lovecraft

I gave myself a reading challenge to read twelve books this year. I thought I’d start relatively small because I know I’ve become kind of lazy and slow. This book counts at least as four separate books, right? I remember when I was browsing for Lovecraft’s books, I was like,

me: the complete tales for ten euros? Yes, please. *buys it*

me: *when picking it up* Why is this thing so heavy?

And as it turned out, it was less of a book and more of a brick.

I’ve been reading this since — I can’t even remember. I first made an aborted attempt but then got distracted by other things and got back to it… last year maybe? As I was getting nearer the end of the book, almost every week I was like, TODAY! I shall finish reading it!

*proceeds to do anything but that*

But finally! I have conquered!

Over 900 pages.

Definitely four separate books at least.

I still have some of Lovecraft’s collaboration works, essays and correspondence unread but for the foreseeable future I have no intention nor interest in reading them. There’s only so much H. P. Lovecraft a girl can take and if I never have to see the word shew, shewed, shewn again… it’d be too soon.

In this post I’m going to talk about things I rarely talk about but which are kind of inevitable when it comes to Lovecraft, I think? So, you know, don’t read this if you’re a very sensitive soul and words give you heart palpitations?

Lovecraft is one of those authors you probably first get exposed to through casual browsing of the internet or consuming mass media. Everyone seems to have an opinion on Lovecraft and — from my reading of the sixty-fucking-eight tales of his — most of these opinions seem to be wrong.

Whenever the name Lovecraft is evoked, at least one person has to bring up his infamous racism and the quote:

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.

while tittering to themselves, I imagine, on how clever and enlightened they are. You know, unlike that nasty old bigoted Lovecraft.

That quote wasn’t anywhere in his tales, by the way. I would’ve remembered because I would’ve posted it. As it turns out, it actually comes from his study Supernatural Horror in Literature — in which he discusses, you know, supernatural horror. In literature. Which, for Lovecraft, was mostly the existential cosmic kind.

So it seems rather misleading if not outright deceitful to apply it to Lovecraft’s infamous racism.

One) It’s easy to accuse people of anything who aren’t alive to defend themselves.

Two) Even if he were alive to defend himself, he probably wouldn’t be given the opportunity to.

Three) No one reads the original sources — and when I say ‘no one’ I do mean no one — so you can pretty much make up outright lies about anything and no one would check. Particularly the tumblr kind who, for example, have spun a completely different Supernatural out of thin air than the one that actually ran for fifteen seasons on tv. You’d be amazed how many people who — by their own admission! — never even watched Supernatural think that the show “teased” Dean/Castiel just because they got exposed to it on tumblr. (P. S. not all of them are like this. There are actual fans of the show on tumblr as well.)

Four) As the saying goes, “a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes”.

As far as I’m concerned, none of this infamous racism was apparent in his tales. At most, his tales seemed like typical “americanism” for the lack of a better term. And by that I mean themes common in America’s stories, particularly of the urban fantasy kind: such as, ignorance is strength, European folklore and Europeans are monsters, particularly the blue-eyed and fair-haired kind, European aristocracy are incestuous cannibals (well… I guess the incest isn’t that far off the mark?), rural people are dimwitted and bigoted, Eastern Europeans can fuck off, etc.

In Herbert West-Reanimator there is this one black character that everyone likes to bring up because Lovecraft didn’t describe him in flattering terms, it’s true. For context, though, the character was a corpse then a zombie and Lovecraft was writing horror, and the literal monster in this tale is a white person with blue eyes and blonde hair.¹ In another tale, however — The Case of Charles Dexter Ward if I recall correctly — other minor black characters were described as sweet and helpful.

It’s true, though, that Lovecraft didn’t describe any people nicely if he described them at all. In fact, his most beautiful character was apparently based on his jewish friend… I think. But don’t quote me on that.

So the entire time I was reading his tales I was like,

this is the big scary racist?

This guy?

I mean, seriously?

The way people on the internet go on, I was expecting something more hardcore or at least different from what I actually got?

Another tale that gets brought up about Lovecraft’s infamous racism is Under the Pyramids. But this was, in fact, a collaboration work with Harry Houdini (or Erich Weisz). Lovecraft simply embellished the thing with, you know, secret undead Egyptian cults and live sphinxes. And apparently everyone missed the part in which Houdini’s embellished character complained about how very European a few towns they visited were.

. . . a drearily European small town with nothing of interest save the great De Lesseps statue, made us anxious to get on to something more worth our while.

But once more disappointment awaited us, for all that we beheld was European save the costumes and the crowds.

I mean… seriously?

Considering that ‘racist’ is practically synonymous with ‘white supremacist’ nowadays then what kind of a white supremacist worth his salt would write blue-eyed and fair-haired whites as literal monsters, European aristocracy as incestuous cannibalistic cults, and have his point of view character complain about how European some places are, no matter how understandable the complaint? I mean, if you’re going to travel to Japan, you’d probably like to see Japanese culture?

If the man was anything, he was probably a good old-fashioned misanthrope which is frankly a sensible sentiment to have the more one knows about humans and their histories of incest, abuse, cannibalism, infanticide, murder, ritual murder, etc.² And I’m not even talking about towards other people, I’m talking about towards their own people and their own children.

It’s also good to remember that Lovecraft died in 1937. The context in which he lived was different from contemporary sentiments. If I recall correctly, before the 1965 immigration act most immigration to America was from European countries and the country itself was 90% white. Likewise, certain words — you all know the ones I’m talking about and I’m not going to type the euphemism — didn’t become verboten until the end of the 20th century. In other words, decades after Lovecraft died.

Moreover, just because he was mostly writing in the first person point of view it doesn’t mean he was, you know, actually writing his point of view.

That said, I have read that he apparently expressed racist sentiments in his private writings but, as I previously mentioned, for the foreseeable future I have no intention nor interest in reading them. And I don’t know, seems kind of dubious to judge a dead man for the privacy of his thoughts but my advice, as always, is to make up your own mind.³

Now that’s out of the way, let’s get to the tales themselves, shall we?

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.

According to the nifty introductions to Lovecraft’s tales, this is the theme of his works. Well, and probably according to Lovecraft since he wrote that in his study Supernatural Horror in Literature. His other stated themes would be “‘cosmicism’, a belief that life is incomprehensible to human minds and so the universe is fundamentally opposed to their interest” and “the absolute irrelevance of mankind in the face of the cosmic horrors existing in the universe” and “the vast indifference of the cosmos, and to recognize that human beings are as insignificant as specks of dust”.

I would like to disagree with all of that, I think.

Let’s start with his infamous quote. The ironic thing about it is that you can’t actually write about the ‘unknown’. The moment you write about the ‘unknown’ it becomes ‘known’, and Lovecraft himself gave his ‘unknowns’ names, descriptions, histories, and even weaknesses. Meaning they are not unknown. Never mind that he himself based them on astronomy, other weird tales and existing folklore so at no point were these things actually, truly ‘unknown’.

It’s sort of like the ‘nobody’ main characters in fantasy adventures. The moment you write about a ‘nobody’ the character becomes ‘somebody’.

If anything, to me — and no one else needs to agree with this! — the theme of most of his works seemed to be more or less:

beware of the questions you ask for you might find the answers.

Which is… eeh.

Eeeeh.

Like, I just reaaaally don’t understand urban fantasy’s predilection towards the ignorance of the people. Most of these stories seem to think and assert that the less one knows about the supernatural, or what have you, the safer and happier they are. Which is laughably untrue. The less you know, the more in danger you are.

Hence, “ignorance is strength”. But not for you, you silly proletariat — I mean, pleb — I mean, muggle — I mean, innocent little lamb, you.

But even this isn’t quite it if we consider The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath or Kuranes, a homeless man of a defunct aristocratic line if I recall correctly. Or the fact that most of Lovecraft’s characters aren’t actually professors or journalists but dreamers who will pursue the truth no matter what dark, untrodden places it takes them.

No, in fact, most of Lovecraft’s tales seemed to be good old regular fantasy but from the point of view that if these things were actually real, you’d either die or go mad.

But that impression could just be because personally I’d be hard-pressed to classify his tales as horror. Aside from a few delightfully creepy paragraphs or tales, I just didn’t feel the horror, you know? Most of his tales just made me feel sad instead of scared.

And look, long before I even heard or thought of reading Lovecraft, I’d already been reading fantasy and playing video games of the fantasy variety. And in these stories all the fantastical and cosmic horrors of the imagination are real and commonplace. So the most Lovecraft’s tales got out of me was, “Okay. So what?”

The black arts are real!

Okay. So what?

Gods are real and terrible!

Okay. So what?

Humans are an engineered species by a cosmic species beyond our comprehension!

Okay. So what?

Or Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family in which Arthur Jermyn found out that he’s descended from albino apes instead of just regular apes and immediately immolated himself, and it’s like? Okay? So what?⁴ At least in The Shadow Over Innsmouth, the narrator felt the call of the ocean and his — did they have a name? — blood from the fish-frog people.

Like, none of the “truths” in Lovecraft’s tales seemed so terrible that they’d need to be secret.

He did have a knack for describing the emotion of horror, though.

Even Lovecraft’s “monsters” aren’t really monsters either — well, except for European aristocracy and blue-eyed and blonde people, I guess. The Elder Gods — or wait, was it the Great Old Ones? or were those the same thing? — are just beings so far beyond human comprehension that they are like humans to ants. It doesn’t mean they can’t take interest in individual humans and even help them out in some cases (The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath or Through the Gates of the Silver Key).

In The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, Randolph Carter goes on a quest to find his perfect dreamland or whatever and comes across an old friend who turned into a leader of ghouls, Pickman. You know, ghouls? The things that feed on human flesh and corpses? And yet Randolph Carter befriends these creatures and they help him out even against their own interests.

The Elder Things (from what I remember) are described as monsters in other tales but in At the Mountains of Madness, Lovecraft wrote:

After all, they were not evil things of their kind. They were the men of another age and another order of being. Nature had played a hellish jest on them — as it will on any others that human madness, callousness, or cruelty may hereafter dig up in that hideously dead or sleeping polar waste — and this was their tragic homecoming. They had not been even savages — for what indeed had they done? That awful awakening in the cold of an unknown epoch — perhaps an attack by the furry, frantically barking quadrupeds, and a dazed defense against them and the equally frantic white simians with the queer wrappings and paraphernalia… poor Lake, poor Gedney… and poor Old Ones! Scientists to the last — what had they done that we would not have done in their place? God, what intelligence and persistence! What a facing of the incredible, just as those carven kinsmen and forbears had faced things only a little less incredible! Radiates, vegetables, monstrosities, star spawn — whatever they had been, they were men!

‘White simians’.

Or the Yithians in The Shadow Out of Time which were monstrous to Nathaniel Wingate Peaslee, the narrator, but were just — really weird-looking scholars of all known universe and epochs.

Not exactly the writings of someone dedicated to depicting the other as alien, incomprehensible and monstrous.

I could say that another theme was that science and modernity have made the world so dull, grey and dreadful that dreams and even monstrous cosmic beings would be preferable to the banality of everyday life.⁵

When age fell upon the world, and wonder went out of the minds of men; when grey cities reared to smoky skies tall towers grim and ugly, in whose shadow none might dream of the sun or of spring’s flowering meads; when learning stripped earth of her mantle of beauty, and poets sang no more save of twisted phantoms with bleared and inward-looking eyes; when these things had come to pass, and childish hopes had gone away forever, there was a man who travelled out of life on a quest into the spaces whither the world’s dreams had fled.

— Azathoth

And because mere walls and windows must soon drive to madness a man who dreams and reads much, the dweller in that room used night after night to lean out and peer aloft to glimpse some fragment of things beyond the waking world and the greyness of tall cities.

— Azathoth

That night something of youth and beauty died in the elder world.

— The Quest of Iranon

Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other. Custom had dinned into his ears a superstitious reverence for that which tangibly and physically exists, and had made him secretly ashamed to dwell in visions. Wise men told him his simple fancies were inane and childish, and he believed it because he could see that they might easily be so. What he failed to recall was that the deeds of reality are just as inane and childish, and even more absurd because their actors persist in fancying them full of meaning and purpose as the blind cosmos grinds aimlessly on from nothing to something and from something back to nothing again, neither heeding nor knowing the wishes or existence of the minds that flicker for a second now and then in the darkness.

— The Silver Key

But when he came to study those who had thrown off the old myths, he found them even more ugly than those who had not. They did not know that beauty lies in harmony, and that loveliness of life has no standard amidst an aimless cosmos save only its harmony with the dreams and feelings which have gone before and blindly moulded our little spheres out of the rest of chaos. They did not see that good and evil and beauty and ugliness are only ornamental fruits of perspective, whose sole value lies in their linkage to what chance made our fathers think and feel, and whose finer details are different for every race and culture. Instead, they either denied these things altogether or transferred them to the crude, vague instincts which they shared with the beasts and peasants; so that their lives were dragged malodorously out in pain, ugliness, and disproportion, yet filled with a ludicrous pride at having escaped from something no more unsound than that which still held them. They had traded the false gods of fear and blind piety for those of licence and anarchy.

— The Silver Key

He saw that most of them, in common with their cast-off priestcraft, could not escape from the delusion that life has a meaning apart from that which men dream into it; and could not lay aside the crude notion of ethics and obligations beyond those of beauty, even when all Nature shrieked of its unconsciousness and impersonal unmorality in the light of their scientific discoveries. Warped and bigoted with preconceived illusions of justice, freedom, and consistency, they cast off the old lore and the old ways with the old beliefs; nor ever stopped to think that that lore and those ways were the sole makers of their present thoughts and judgments, and the sole guides and standards in a meaningless universe without fixed aims or stable points of reference. Having lost these artificial settings, their lives grew void of direction and dramatic interest; till at length they strove to drown their ennui in bustle and pretended usefulness, noise and excitement, barbaric display and animal sensation. When these things palled, disappointed, or grew nauseous through revulsion, they cultivated irony and bitterness, and found fault with the social order. Never could they realise that their brute foundations were as shifting and contradictory as the gods of their elders, and that the satisfaction of one moment is the bane of the next. Calm, lasting beauty comes only in dream, and this solace the world had thrown away when in its worship of the real it threw away the secrets of childhood and innocence.

— The Silver Key

. . . and his eyes were weary with seeing the same things for many years, and thinking the same well-disciplined thoughts.

— The Strange High House in the Mist

Admittedly, these dreams and knowledge of the cosmos were only available to those of imagination and the right mental constitution (such as Randolph Carter and Kuranes). However, that’s not quite it either. Because even though Kuranes became like a god himself and Randolph Carter found his perfect dreamland, it turned out that the real dreamlands were the places of their childhood.

Another thing that always gets hyped in reference to Lovecraft is Cthulhu. He featured only in one tale, though, the aptly named The Call of Cthulhu and was only mentioned in others. I don’t quite recall what I was expecting before starting on Lovecraft’s tales, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t what I actually got. I mean, sure Cthulhu was big and he had tentacles for a beard but I think mostly my feelings were, that’s it? It’s not like he even managed to do anything aside from chasing a boat and sinking back to the bottom of the ocean.

As for the impressions I got of Lovecraft through his stories — because I usually let the author’s writings speak for themselves — he was evidently well-read in mythology, classics, architecture, astronomy, geology, history, occult etc. at least, a total dork about cats (The Cats of Ulthar and The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath), and a fanboy of the weird fiction of his time.

And I guess that’s it?⁶

If anyone agrees or disagrees with me, that’s fine, but please don’t bother me about it. Because I’m tired.

---

¹ For further context, no matter how unflatteringly described, narratively that character was first a victim of white Poles, if I recall correctly, then a victim of one of the few actual monsters in Lovecraft’s tales who was white, blue-eyed and fair-haired. There is just no ‘white supremacist’ in existence who would write a narrative like this and yet people unironically think Lovecraft did it accidentally. Like, c’mon.

² Although calling it ‘histories’ is misleading since people still very much abuse and infanticide their children at an industrialised scale.

³ As for what I suspect happened to Lovecraft’s reputation, there’s the saying, “hell hath no fury like a woman on a revenge path”. But again, I haven’t actually read his private writings so, like, take everything on this blog with a grain of salt.

But at one time it was “settled science” to drill holes in the brains of the mentally ill and make them into functional vegetables, and the doctors just said “to think of them as household pets”. So, you know, you should really have a healthy distrust towards things that “everyone knows”.

⁴ Considering Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family and the fact that Lovecraft consistently wrote his white aristocracy as so cannibalistic and incestuous that they devolved right back into ‘white simians’, you could make the plausible interpretation that he was either mocking Victorian era (1820-1914) sentiments or playing into them. After all, when Darwin first came forth with his theory that humans evolved from apes, people were shocked and thus mocked and ridiculed him.

⁵ It almost feels like there is a conflict in his writings that he would’ve liked for the wonders, daemons and gods of the classical world to be real because they’d be preferable to the dull banality of everyday life, but he couldn’t quite overcome either his hardware or software that the natural world was anything other than “monstrous and indifferent”. In a way, it’s almost Epicurean but also the exact opposite. (If you believe the stated theme of ‘cosmicism’, that is.)

⁶ Oh, right. There are some fan fiction writers who delete their works off the internet because they’re so embarrassed about fics they wrote at eighteen. And yet Lovecraft gets his juvenilia published that he probably wrote when he was five. Kind of funny.

Thanks and Never Again

This will (most likely) be my last post on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I finally finished watching the last episode today (I swear each episode lasted, like, three hours or so it felt). My feelings when it was finally over:

I haven’t really made my contempt for this show a secret because I don’t have the slightest bit of respect towards it to even start pretending to be polite. I could’ve written essays about what a stupidfest this whole thing was but thankfully the details are already blurring to oblivion. So no essays but I will try to list some of my complaints in no particular order.

1. Buffy’s almost total lack of agency: She didn’t choose to be a slayer. She doesn’t want to be a slayer. Oh, she likes the slayer powers well enough — there was this one episode in which she loses them because of some dumb test and consequently learns how 99,99% of women feel and live and her exact sentiments were, “I can’t live like this, Giles”. I honest to god wanted to slap her.
2. This episode also implied or made clear that all of her — talents? skills? — such as aiming and dumb acrobatics (I’m sorry, the fight scenes are just dumb) are because of the mystical slayer powers instead of hard work. (The show did pay some lip service to her training. I was not impressed.) But as such, none of it is something she chose or earned or worked for. She just won the mystical genetic lottery.
3. Well, does she have a say in her love life then at least? And the answer would be no, no she does not. Angel is basically her soulmate (the dream-sharing and sensing each other being kind of dead giveaways). But Angel decides to call the relationship quits, with added help from Buffy’s mother.
4. Because what mother doesn’t know what her daughter needs best? Certainly not Joyce.
5. Who thinks it would be better for her daughter to have bad dates, bad hookups and bad relationships than be in a steady, loving relationship that may or may not last her lifetime. It should’ve been Buffy’s choice to make. I don’t care that she’s “young” — the girl is risking her life daily and murdering demons and dying for the “world” but she’s too “young” for a steady relationship? Be serious. I don’t care that Angel is a two-hundred-year-old undead man. It should’ve been her choice to make (so long as Angel wants to be with her too, obviously).
6. And since we’re on the topic of Angel and his relationship with Buffy! The way I saw their relationship: season 1: I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s make out, season 2: melodrama. Their season 3 relationship was the best because the show actually let it breathe and mature — well, right until Angel decides to skip town.
7. But their problems are stupid. I get what they were going for but it was undermined by the show itself because it’s stupid. Like, the very basic obstacle in their relationship is that Angel is a vampire and he risks losing his soul if he has sex with Buffy (“true happiness” or “la petite mort” as it were). The show (and the Angel spinoff) very clearly tie this desouling to sex….. and ecstasy if I remember right but I’ll just ignore that.
8. The problem I have with that is twofold: one) sex is not the be-all and end-all of relationships. These dumb shows always bleat some lip service about how “all relationships and lifestyles are valid” but then the central problem is that the morons can’t have a “normal” relationship? There was a real opportunity for Angel and Buffy to explore how to be in an asexual relationship. Two) There is this one episode in which Buffy and Angel end up sharing dreams. They also have sex in this dream. And guess what? No souls were lost, no worlds were ended, no boys were turned into monsters because they got some. So why couldn’t they just have dream sex when they got the itch?
9. You know what I would’ve done? I would’ve combined Angel and Buffy. I don’t mean any cutesy cameo appearances in their respective shows. I mean actually combining the two shows. Have Buffy and Angel establish an investigations firm and voila, already both characters are more active. Have them explore the difficulties and — what’s the opposite of difficulty in this context? benefits? or something like that — of an asexual relationship while solving cases and being active characters instead of reactive as is the case with Buffy in particular.
10. The second “problem” in their relationship is that Angel is a vampire. He doesn’t age. He can’t walk in the sunlight. He can’t give Buffy “normal” and 2.5 kids behind a white picket fence. Aaaand the problem I have with this is threefold: one) Buffy is already living in the sunlight. She has friends. She has school. I don’t think she has hobbies? Two) even with all that, she’s still the slayer. She still has to trawl through graveyards in the middle of the night in search of hell beasts to murder, with or without Angel. She’s never going to have “normal”. So why couldn’t she have that glimmer of light in that darkness (Angel) who makes the place a little less dreary and lonely? Three) Even with all that bleating about normal and 2.5 kids, she almost immediately gets a mystically conceived child anyway. Dawn was “made out of Buffy”. Dawn is Buffy’s child — a child she didn’t even have to birth and lose her figure for in the process! Unlike Cordelia’s actress, am I right, Whedon?
11. The thing is, whenever Angel had a chance to make his relationship with Buffy real — as in long-term, what with Buffy talking about moving in together, Angel dreaming about marriage, and Angel turning into a human for a day — he always bails. And I’m, like, 90% sure I’m not supposed to interpret it this way because the show and least of all Buffy never call him out on it.
12. And speaking of, Angel turned into a human for a day in the spinoff. And instead of picking up Thai boxing, he decides to become a hell beast again at the first sign of difficulty and reverses the day. Which erases Buffy’s memory of it because Buffy? Gets very little actual say over her own life.
13. I don’t dislike Angel, by the way. He’s one of the best male characters in the show, Oz being second. Giles is… eeeeh, insultingly stereotypically British? Like, imagine if he was German, wearing Lederhosen and eating bratwurst, or Japanese, wearing kimono and geta and wielding katana and speaking in haiku, because that’s basically Giles’ entire character.
14. Buffy is not an active character. Patrolling graveyards does not make her active. And I don’t even understand why she patrols graveyards? Why doesn’t she patrol hospitals, morgues or funeral homes? Why wait until graveyards? …..and what would embalming do to a vampire? Buffy is reactive. Just like Harry Potter, she faffs the fuck about until she stumbles on some demonic activity or the “big bad” of the season, and then she faffs about some more so she can heroically vanquish it in the last ten minutes or the last two episodes of the season, as it were.
15. This is one of those stories where you need to like the main characters because this is basically the Days of Our Lives (With a Dash of Supernatural). It’s a slice of life with demons thrown in for spice and there. is. no. plot. So if you’re like me whose feelings ranged from indifference to dislike to I want them all dead, then you’re pretty much screwed as far as shows like these go.
16. The lore was stupid. Vampires, or demons, are millions of years older than the various human species and yet they’re afraid of the symbol of a fictional crucified rabbi and yet they can just waltz right into churches and murder priests. At least make it the solar cross, for gods’ sake.
17. Monsters are just like people! except they’re not because when the show needs something to kill it’s always a monster and humans are untouchable no matter how monstrous, except they’re not when it’s the main characters doing the killing. Then who or what they kill doesn’t matter.
18. Pandering. Because you can’t seriously tell me that the entirety of Spike and Spike/Buffy and Willow/Tara wasn’t pandering.
19. Spike. Spike’s everything. He is a whiny self-entitled raging loser who gets rewarded with Buffy’s “affection” for seemingly good behaviour — which it’s not. He stalks her, abuses her, forces his feelings on her, steals her clothes and underwear, builds a shrine for her, kidnaps and chains her up in his basement, builds a sexbot of her because he can’t murder or have sex with her, and then it all culminates in him trying to rape her to show her that she DOES love him, damnit!
20. “You treat me like a man” — Spike, you delusional nitwit, she treats you like a louse on her shoe that she can’t get rid of. Buffy’s feelings were hate, contempt and pity and trying to convince herself that she does like him because she didn’t like what it would say about her if she didn’t — right until season 7 when she learns he has a soul now!
21. Spike is exactly like the Trio of Morons in season 6 but Spike’s behaviour is played for laughs or brushed aside or the show blames Buffy. Spike makes a mocking comment about the sexual assault? Buffy finds out he has a soul now! and she has to rehabilitate him. I’ll repeat: Buffy has to rehabilitate her own stalker and would-be rapist. Spike unexpectedly touches her and she gets understandably startled? Buffy apologises to him. Because Spike has a soul now! He needs to be coddled! BY THE GIRL HE HAS BEEN VICTIMISING SINCE SEASON TWO. Buffy couldn’t let even Spike in close because she’s so “emotionally unavailable” — like, no. The reason why she wasn’t letting Spike “in close” was because he was stalking, abusing and trying to rape her — never mind that he was a soulless hell beast. And then she makes a glib comment about Spike not understanding the word ‘no’ because this show is trash for Spike. (Also, Buffy isn’t emotionally unavailable. See Angel.)
22. And on top of being a whiny self-entitled raging loser, Spike spends the entirety of season 7 being coddled and as a useless dude in distress for woobie points. Because writing him “tortured” — either literally or figuratively — is easier than him earning anything. Aaaand then he becomes Buffy’s Gollum whom she cuddles.
23. Just saying, but when Angel came back from the hell dimension, he more or less rehabilitated himself. When the “First” was harassing him, he was willing to kill himself so he wouldn’t hurt anyone. Alone. Without telling anyone. Unlike Spike who gets rehabilitated by his victim, kills people anyway with a soul, and then tries to suicide by Buffy. Because Spike is an eternal child who has no agency or responsibility for his own actions. No wonder the First was manipulating him; the peroxide and the hair gel must’ve destroyed what was left of his brain cells.
24. I don’t dislike Spike either, by the way. I’m mostly indifferent, bored and baffled.
25. And even if Spike had been a perfectly well-mannered Vampire Sue, Buffy still didn’t owe him anything and least of all her affections.
26. Besides, Spike had far better chemistry and interesting interactions and potential with basically every other character who wasn’t Buffy. So I just really don’t understand what possessed them to make Spike/Buffy a thing in the manner they did.
27. I mean, personally I kind of wanted to see more Giles/Spike interactions, what with them both being old-timey Englishmen.
28. Willow/Tara was boring. The way I saw their relationship: basically, Tara was Willow’s little power amplifier until the show decided to make Willow into a super witch! And unlike in her other relationships (Oz, Xander sort of), Willow was the dominant party with Tara which probably felt pretty good, especially after Oz cheated and bailed. And what does Willow do with this power? Abuses her. Erasing her memory so Tara wouldn’t be mad at her is abuse. It’s the magical version of gaslighting.
29. This could’ve been interesting but instead Tara never becomes her own character, she’s just there as Willow’s love interest, and she’s basically a discount Willow — you have no idea how excruciating it was to listen to them breathlessly stutter at each other. And as soon as she stopped being Willow’s little power amplifier, there was no further use for her and it’s no wonder she got killed off.
30. Also, I’ll never stop laughing that in a show that’s basically softcore pornography with Buffy’s various love interests, their first sex scene was a season after they got together, in a musical episode, with clothes on.
31. Anya was a discount Cordelia. She also felt like a parody of feminism but I have no idea if this was deliberate? I mean, this woman was a vengeance demon for a thousand years, fulfilling the wishes of women who wanted revenge on cheating men by exploding their heads, making them cannibalise themselves, having sheep (multiple) rape them — and all she learned is that men are terrible? I’d say cheating is less bad than all the aforementioned but hey, what do I know? Aaaand then she was unceremoniously killed off, her corpse left in the collapsing rubble of the town, and soon afterwards Xander, who supposedly loved her, was making glib remarks about whatever. But all her character basically amounted to was “Xander’s love interest”.
32. Speaking of discount versions! The entire show becomes a discount version of itself after season 3. The college was a discount version of high school. Parker was a discount version of Angelus. Tara was a discount version of Willow. Anya was a discount version of Cordelia. Souled Spike was a discount version of Angel. So basically, you got the first three seasons again — but only worse!
33. Most of the seasons seemed to be about “who is Buffy fucking” and the fact the show just — couldn’t let her be without a relationship makes her seem borderline but I think this was unintentional.
34. This show should’ve ended in season 2, I’m not even kidding. Buffy didn’t choose to be a slayer. She didn’t want to be a slayer. She gave what she had, she killed the love of her life to save the world, and she chose to walk away after. It was more or less the first and only decision she made independently. And afterwards she could’ve put those slayer acrobatics to good use and joined a circus! Become an acrobat, a demon/animal tamer, a knife thrower, or just anything else at all than a sexually harassed waitress.
35. Which actually brings me to another point: Buffy ends the show exactly where she started: jobless, schoolless, in her old bedroom and high school. (And then she loses the bedroom and high school too.)
36. Almost forgot a couple of things: the slayer system is stupid. Buffy is practically useless as a slayer. What I mean is, there’s no practical, demonstrable difference between Buffy and her normal unsuperpowered friends — except for the dumb acrobatics and superfluous twirls she does in fights. You could even make the argument that Buffy is worse than her normal unsuperpowered friends because Buffy has died twice unlike her friends who managed to waddle on season after season, alive, even when they were fighting demons and vampires when she wasn’t there.
37. I mean, Xander doesn’t even lift weights or practise any sort of martial arts. He’s literally just a dude (who orbits and lusts and feels entitled to every woman he knows).
38. Shows like these really like to pretend that the characters are saving the world™! but they just rarely have the budget or the writing to reflect that. So it’d be more accurate to say “they saved some locality of the world” and that’s it.
39. Edit One More Thing: It will never make sense to me why no vampire in the history of ever didn’t do the obvious and start turning slayers into vampires.
40. Edit Okay One More: And this is the most important one. STOP MAKING STORIES WHERE TEENAGERS OR CHILDREN HAVE TO SACRIFICE THEIR LIVES FOR THE WORLD™ THAT DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THEM. It’s not noble. It’s gross.

I could say more but I’ve blissfully started to forget this show again and some of it might get me into legal or social trouble so I’ll just close with this: the entire time I was watching this show, all I could think of was this is your feminist show?

If you want to watch an empowering story about a ditzy blonde who likes fashion then, unironically, watch Legally Blonde (the first one because I can’t remember a thing about the second).

The Thing on the Doorstep

. . . infatuation thrives on opposition.

The Shadow Over Innsmouth

Where does madness leave off and reality begin?

At the Mountains of Madness

At last we had encountered an outpost of the great unknown continent and its cryptic world of frozen death.

∞

. . . and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter.

∞

It is absolutely necessary, for the peace and safety of mankind, that some of earth’s dark, dead corners and unplumbed depths be let alone; lest sleeping abnormalities wake to resurgent life, and blasphemously surviving nightmares squirm and splash out of their black lairs to newer and wider conquests.

⋅ Nota Bene ⋅

(“Swept so evilly free of all litter”. …..I want to see how that looks. I want to learn how to sweep dust “evilly”, ha ha. Oh, Lovecraft, that misunderstood, maligned total dork.)

At the Mountains of Madness

Sculptured images of these Shoggoths filled Danforth and me with horror and loathing. They were normally shapeless entities composed of a viscous jelly which looked like an agglutination of bubbles, and each averaged about fifteen feet in diameter when a sphere. They had, however, a constantly shifting shape and volume—throwing out temporary developments or forming apparent organs of sight, hearing, and speech in imitation of their masters, either spontaneously or according to suggestion.

One more for the, er, gelatinous fictional things! I like to call them the precursors of Ditto, ha ha.

Ditto, by extension: a copy, an imitation. Huh. You learn something new every day.

The X-Files

I started watching this show to understand why someone I know is the way she is — because if art is the expression of the soul then that applies both to what you create and what you consume.

I’m almost at the end of season one and so far I don’t understand why this show is so popular.

Hitherto it’s been like any crime series but with a monster of the week, presented with a more scientific veneer than its contemporaries but not really. There’s an occasional blip to some overarching plot about government conspiracies hiding aliens, but this is frankly about as interesting as watching paint dry. There are many reasons to criticise the FBI and government but hiding aliens isn’t one of them.

Well… I mean… depending on who you ask but we’re not talking about that.

But of course, those good reasons will not be shown on television because the FBI controls how it is portrayed in media.

What I also dislike is the dynamic between the main characters. Oh, I’m sure it was popular with shippers — because they’re both partners, young and attractive depending on your preferences — but I think I described it somewhat like this to my mum:

ME: Is the dynamic between these two morons going to be like this for long? I mean, is that stupid woman going to argue with that stupid man in every episode even though that stupid woman is always wrong and that stupid man is always right?

A bit crude, I know, but gets my point across.

Scully is, assumably, supposed to be the voice of rationality in this show, the voice of reason. She is supposed to be the balance to Mulder’s outlandish fringeness but in the context of the show it doesn’t work. As viewers we have an omniscient point of view in each episode that both Mulder and Scully lack. So while we know that Mulder is not always right, he’s still always more right than Scully.

What also sets my teeth on edge is whenever Scully starts a sentence with, “There is no known…”, and I really wish Mulder would sometimes reply back, “Yeah, that you know of.”

Because from personal experience, whenever I contradict a historical narrative or say something a person has not read or heard of themselves, I always get a similar response of patronising doubt. And you have no idea how frustrating that is from people who literally believe in ghosts and aliens and other unfalsifiable things. …..so kind of a reverse situation but still frustrating.

I always like to reply to these people that “Elephants don’t exist. I haven’t ever seen one” which of course flies right over their heads.

It’s not even that I want Scully to believe right away. What I want is some balance. For her to sometimes be more right than totally wrong and Mulder to be more wrong than almost totally right. As such, she comes off as fanatical in her rationalism as Mulder is supposed to be in his conspirational fringeness. Except, again, Mulder is more right than wrong.

And you know, after several episodes where she’s encountered unexplained, borderline supernatural phenomena, her obstinate objections to such quickly become obnoxious.

The someone I know — whose favourite show this is — told me that the show gets better from season three onward because “it gets funnier”. Which is funny in itself since I thought that this show’s one dubious positive was that it treated itself a bit more seriously than the other contemporaries of its ilk. I rather dread to imagine what this “funnier” entails.

But this someone has repeatedly let me know that her favourite things are ones that don’t require her to use her brain.

ME: You don’t have to tell me that. I can tell just from looking.

(Okay, I didn’t really say that, ha ha.)

It’s all fine and dandy to like stupid shows that don’t require any brain usage — although your ancestors didn’t evolve for millions of years just for you to use your brain as a decoration to keep your head from resembling a raisin.

But what I dislike is this false idea that you can’t enjoy intelligent things without it somehow being cumbersome or tiresome. This underlying false idea only makes me think that these people have never consumed anything that is truly good.

I feel like I had something else to say but I can’t remember what. Oh well, maybe it’ll come back to me later.

But overall verdict: this show really isn’t for me.

Why Are All “American” Television Shows Soap Operas?

Well, not all of them since I haven’t seen and won’t see all of them.

As I said in the previous Harry Potter post, I’ve been re-watching a few things. Not completely because… well, these shows just aren’t that good that I’m going to re-watch all seven, eight, eleven, million seasons of them.

These are shows that were popular in the nineties, and there’s this definite formula to them.

One) There’s no overarching plot or plan. These shows plod along on a week-to-week basis, from monster to monster. Sure, these shows occasionally make a reference or two to some “bigger plot” — which is conveniently in the background — but this is usually dealt with in a single episode at the end of a season, if it’s dealt with at all.

That, and instead of creating anything of their own, each episode indulges in this self-referential circle jerk of “remember this from that other thing you’ve heard of or watched or read?”

Two) The writing is usually inane and hypocritical, with no purpose or themes or parallels. These shows tend to pretend that their main characters are complex, with “shades of grey”, but this isn’t true. The “good characters'” badness isn’t really badness likewise the “bad characters'” goodness isn’t really goodness.

That, or they do the exact opposite: “What if these murderous creatures of the night that predate on humans as an actual food source are, like, humans?” If you’re going to write about murderous creatures of the night, then fucking commit to it.

Three) These shows seem to take themselves seriously and yet nothing is actually treated with seriousness. Nothing has consequences. Nothing affects the characters or the world they inhabit. Lose the supposed love of your life? Meh, you’ll get over it in an episode or two… or within the same episode. The world almost gets apocalypsed? Don’t worry, no one notices and nothing changes.

Occasionally there are tentative good ideas but nothing is done with them because they’re cumbered and ruined with the inane writing and lack of any sort of committed plan.

Four) If the cast is attractive then all of them must have crushes on each other or sleep with one another, as if they’re a swingers club instead of a supposed group of friends. “A found family”, my arse.

Five) These shows really don’t like men. At all. They’re either evil predators, demons, or warlocks (or jokes) and the only “good men” are literal angels, dead, or celibate priests. Male sexuality is constantly ridiculed or demonised (pun unintended).

Six) They don’t seem to much like women either but women are usually depicted as magical superheroes, as perfect little creatures of perfection. At the same time, all of the attractive women are put in increasingly revealing outfits that show off their cleavage or nipples. They’re these skinny little superpowered girls who supposedly can throw men twice their size and yet they’re constantly getting straddled and pinned, their eyes wide and their mouths open while they pant with their chests heaving, in a manner reminiscent of sex or, in this case, sexual violence.

This made it difficult for me to figure out whether these shows are aimed at women or men, but then I remembered that most girls’ first toy is a plastic doll so it started to make more sense.

Also, as an obligatory aside, I don’t want to be a downer but if a girl gets pinned then that’s usually it, game over.

Seven) The constant whining for a “normal life” and yet these shows never explore what’s “normal life” or why it’s so desirable. “Normal” is just what the majority of people agree on, it implies neither inherent goodness nor inherent desirability. And usually these shows’ “normal” just means bad dates with a multitude of people, casual sex of the same, shopping or pretending to be middle class so you can pretend to be upper middle class.

In other words, these shows’ idea of “normal” is as inane as their writing.

Eight) These shows are obsessed with the occult and the strata of “good” and “evil” and “innocent”. What these shows actually mean with “innocent”, however, is ignorant. Helpless. “Oh, you can’t know too much, it’d put you in danger — unless you’re the main character.” When it’s like, no. Knowing too little puts you in danger because when, or if, something happens, you won’t know how to act accordingly.

These stories pretend to be about protecting people while showing a total disregard and contempt for them, whether they’re called innocent or proletariat or muggles.

Nine) None of the characters are fully explored or utilised because there’s no plan or commitment. They’re either turned bad, written out or unceremoniously killed off — and then brought back again depending on the creators’ whims.

Ten) The constant demonisation of all things European. Because evidently two thousand years of demonisation, vilification and erasure hasn’t been enough for these people.

And most of all, these shows have a very unfortunate tendency to way overstay their welcome. But “American” shows tend to operate on two principles: either profits or ideology über alles.

What do you get when you’re inspired by mediocrity? Worse mediocrity.

And this is why yours truly mostly watches Asian shows if I bother to watch anything at all.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that Asian shows are flawless because they aren’t but at least they tend to be short with an actual plan, plot and theme.

V. A Nightmare and a Cataclysm

Failing to find a lantern, he chose the smallest of the lamps to carry; also filling his pockets with candles and matches, and taking with him a gallon can of oil, which he proposed to keep for reserve use in whatever hidden laboratory he might uncover beyond the terrible open space with its unclean altar and nameless covered wells.

Ha ha, now I know who started this too. Until I find something older, that is. This is another stable in horror video games. *thinks for a moment* Or maybe it isn’t that common?

The Dream-quest of Unknown Kadath

. . . for they realise that all which is forgotten need not necessarily be dead . . .

The Dream-quest of Unknown Kadath

. . . the central void where the daemon sultan Azathoth gnaws hungrily in the dark.

Wait, is this thing supposed to be a black hole? Also, this particular story refuses to end.

The Silver Key

He saw that most of them, in common with their cast-off priestcraft, could not escape from the delusion that life has a meaning apart from that which men dream into it; and could not lay aside the crude notion of ethics and obligations beyond those of beauty, even when all Nature shrieked of its unconsciousness and impersonal unmorality in the light of their scientific discoveries. Warped and bigoted with preconceived illusions of justice, freedom, and consistency, they cast off the old lore and the old ways with the old beliefs; nor ever stopped to think that that lore and those ways were the sole makers of their present thoughts and judgments, and the sole guides and standards in a meaningless universe without fixed aims or stable points of reference. Having lost these artificial settings, their lives grew void of direction and dramatic interest; till at length they strove to drown their ennui in bustle and pretended usefulness, noise and excitement, barbaric display and animal sensation. When these things palled, disappointed, or grew nauseous through revulsion, they cultivated irony and bitterness, and found fault with the social order. Never could they realise that their brute foundations were as shifting and contradictory as the gods of their elders, and that the satisfaction of one moment is the bane of the next. Calm, lasting beauty comes only in dream, and this solace the world had thrown away when in its worship of the real it threw away the secrets of childhood and innocence.

II. The Tale of Inspector Legrasse

From a wide circle of ten scaffolds set up at regular intervals with the flame-girt monolith as a centre hung, head downward, the oddly marred bodies of the helpless squatters who had disappeared.

At least now I know who started this trend. Well, until I find something older.

He

So instead of the poems I had hoped for, there came only a shuddering blankness and ineffable loneliness; and I saw at last a fearful truth which no one had ever dared to breathe before—the unwhisperable secret of secrets—the fact that this city of stone and stridor is not a sentient perpetuation of Old New York as London is of Old London and Paris of Old Paris, but that it is in fact quite dead, its sprawling body imperfectly embalmed and infested with queer animate things which have nothing to do with it as it was in life.

Herbert West-Reanimator

Memories and possibilities are ever more hideous than realities.